K.rudd

Today, Senator Kevin Rudd called together several press representatives and wedged his head approximately 20.5 centimetres into his rectum and announced that he would not be running for the Labor leadership.

Senator Rudd then proceeded to roll around in a large vat of elephant dung while talking to the reporters, in a simultaneous attempt to explain his reasons for not running for the Labor leadership and break the world Head-up-rectum record (previously set by Prime Minister Gough Whitlam.)

My view has long been that if you are going to contest a ballot for the Australian Labor Party for its leadership, you must believe that there are enough votes to win it.

Onlookers, amazed at the Senator's ability to place his head up his posterior, were further rewarded when Rudd began to juggle several live poodles in the air, while patiently pointing out to the press representatives that

the challenge for the party was now to "unite behind Kim Beazley as leader"

Representatives of the Guinness Book of Records declared that Rudd's was the most impressive head-up-posterior attempt they had seen for some time.