Saturday, January 15, 2005

Your Assistunc Plez

Over the last couple of months, I have opened emails from all four corners of the world. I have been the recipient of offers from Nigerian businessmen, Saudi Arabian Bureaucrats, Brazilian travel agents, the Swiss National Lottery, and even the Hari Krishnas.

Postees have included MRS FABIOLA ANGEL, Sharlene Maxwell, NATIONAL EUROS, Augustine Villarreal, Hadys & Associates, Latham O. Marlon, Deandre Eason, Stanley Lugo, Cantu D. Stuart, SMITH BOWANI, Ahmed Teran, SMITH BOWANI (again), americanlaboratory, Jonas Lee, Carlena Peterson, Lucas, Chi Reyna, Leonard, Tad, and Kyeongso Rivera.

Some subject lines: Viagra Soft Tabs, New Impotence Treatment, Re[2]:i vse babi tvoi 37-PHM, Marketing for, TREAT URGENT PLEASE, saxxualy expljcijt: See these real virgins' first time! dave, The revollutionaary and new peenjs enlaargment tool! alabamian and AWARD NOTIFICATION/FINAL INFORMATION.

Well, I have some news about these emails that may shock a lot of people - so, before you go on, I urge you to brace yourselves: THEY ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED!!!

Many of these emails are written by INTERNET CONMEN who are more interested in MAKING MONEY than in DOING SOMETHING FOR YOU!!!! A shock, I know, but it is TRUE!

What's worse, after extensive research, I have found that many of the 'names' of persons or organisations adopted are in fact untrue! That these names are in fact made up to hide the real identity of the person who is doing the emailing.

After further investigations, I have in fact determined that ALL of these emails are in reality sent out by this man. His real name is Arthur Smugs, and he lives in Penrith, Sydney, Australia. HE is the man to blame for this massive con-job! Indeed, I have alerted the authorities, and I expect that, as I type, ASIO are knocking at his front door to arrest him for his many crimes.

Tune in next week, when in another brilliant scoop, Tim reveals that 99% of all peope prosecuted for drink driving offences were drunk at the time the offence was committed...

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Me person. Live in world. Like stuff. Need job. Need BRAINS! (DROOLS IN THE MANNER OF ZOMBIES) Ergggggh ...