"A new training manual for magistrates instructed them not to be prejudiced against black youths who had committed violent crimes, but instead to think of them as quirky Lenny Henry characters." - Hal Colebatch, Quadrant, June-August.
A quirky Lenny Henry character invaded my home yesterday and took several of my personal items. It was all very distressing. I know I'm not supposed to identify him as a quirky Lenny Henry character, but these are the facts. And I'm not the only one; a friend's wife was attacked bhy a quirky Lenny Henry character in the park, and several other friends have been bashed and beaten up by gangs of roving quirky Lenny Henry characters while on their way home from work. Data suggests that crime by quirky Lenny Henry characters is on the rise.
On the other hand, it is true that it is unfair to single out quirky Lenny Henry characters in the media; I'm sure that the vast majority of quirky Lenny Henry characters lead peaceful and ordinary lives, doing whatever it is that quirky Lenny Henry characters do. Some, perhaps, are continually bursting into weirdly accented songs, or doing stand up routines about growing up in a Jamaican family, or doing presentations at the Commonwealth Games or before her Majesty, or whatever else it is that quirky Lenny Henry characters do. It is true, also, there are many quirky Lenny Henry characters who may be from disadvantaged backgrounds, and may be unable to live up to their full potential as quirky Lenny Henry characters. Surely there must be something more we can do to help these quirky Lenny Henry characters become fully functioning members of society. And I must admit that, for every quirky Lenny Henry character who commits a small violent assault or robbery or murder, there are others who are just as bad. Why, think of the whacky Benny Hill characters stealing women's underwear in the park, or the bumbling Tommy Cooper standover men, who have been involved in many serious cases of Aggravated Cutting of Neckties or Premeditated Egg-squashing-on-people's-foreheads! Yes, the problems of society are complex, and we must not blame the quirky Lenny Henry characters for everything!
Perhaps we simply need to acknowledge quirky Lenny Henry characters and thank them for being what they are. For instance, I had an interesting conversation with a quirky Lenny Henry character the other day. "How wonderful," I said to the quirky Lenny Henry character in question, "It must be to be a quirky Lenny Henry character! I'm grateful to know you!"
The quirky Lenny Henry character looked at me for a moment, grabbed my face in both hands, and began to shout at me, "I. AM. NOT. A. QUIRKY. LENNY. HENRY. CHARACTER. I. AM. BLACK. AND. PROUD. YOU. DUMB. WHITE. CUNT!"
Shortly thereafter, he smashed me in the face and left.
What was he trying to tell me? Who knows. But I feel certain that if we listen to these quirky Lenny Henry characters and what they've got to say, things will get better. In order to progress as a society, we must acknowledge the many problems and difficulties quirky Lenny Henry characters face.
- The Guardian, Monday.
A typical quirky Lenny Henry character. What are the complex historical circumstances that make such quirky Lenny Henry characters more likely to engage in anti-social behaviour?
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