#703: Guide dog for the blind drunk
The guide dog for the blind drunk must be a highly-trained and capable canine, able to handle himself in a number of situations. He must be able to find a way to the bar for his drunk, and when the night is done, find a way home again.
Commands he will be expected to learn:
"Left! No, not left, right! Why ish the world s-s-s-shpinning around?"
"Sssshtop! No, go! Wait... ish that a car coming, or did I jusht run into a shhhhhop window?"
"Shhhay, do you come herrrre ofschen?"
The guide dog for the blind drunk will feel comfortable on taxis, trains, buses, and with being the designated driver for the night. It is also desirable that the guide dog for the blind drunk possesses fast-talking skills for when the police pull the car over and ask his owner why the hell a dog's driving the car.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2016 (68)
- ► 2015 (106)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- Comments about unrelated but terribly important ma...
- Smarmy doggerel Saturday
- Where's Wally - the existential version
- Four playlets
- Reader quiz! Can you spot the spelling mistake?
- Drip drip
- If Napoleon did it, why can't I?
- Ooh, we're deep today, our Edith
- Animals that work with humans!
- Fillums schmillums
- The process of natural rejection
- You can't get much smaller than that
- Smoker's voice
- Now he belongs to the ages, again
- Less-than thrilling adventures with dubious morals...
- Pitchers at an exhibition
- Red Bullshit
- I give it five stars for the gigantic amoebic plas...
- Spirit of dumb
- Take a fillip from Phillip to make Philip
- A point
- Respectable scientific analysis of a common proble...
- Emission by emission is the leading cause of emiss...
- Rub the screen for luck
- Historical record of events of pressing concern
- Complaints and feedback to the Department of Badne...
- Repression by spoon
- Whoring Selling Australia
- Headlines from the Identity Theft Times
- Bigfoot shmigfoot
- Short story
- Two poems about clouds
- ▼ August (33)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)