(A darkened house. Two stealthy figures move rapidly from room to room, rifling the drawers and looking for valuables. Eventually one whispers urgently to the other... )
CRIMINAL ONE: That's all, Joe! All I've found are ten diamonds or less!
CRIMINAL TWO: It's FEWER, you idiot! (Shoots his companion) Don't they teach them ANYTHING these days?
Kitchen Sink Drama
(It's nothing BUT the kitchen sink!)
Two empty kitchen sinks sit by one another, one for washing, one for rinsing.
KITCHEN SINK 1: (In a hard, masculine voice, gushing angry hot water out of the tap while he speaks) Right! That's it! I can't stand it in this house anymore. I'M LEAVING YOU, SHARON!
KITCHEN SINK 2: (With a thin quavering voice) But... but ... I'll be so LONELY!
KITCHEN SINK 1: I don't care. GOODBYE!
KITCHEN SINK 2: (Gushing cold water tearfully from the tap) What did I ever do to deserve this?
(An ant bursts into the nest bearing a large breadcrumb on its back. The eyes of all other ants turn to it. )
ANTICLEUS THE ANT: Fear not, my fellow ants - the Queen and the Nest shall not starve! For I, Anticleus, have found a breadcrumb which shall feed us for many nights! And there's more where that came from!
OTHER ANTS: Hoooooooooooooooooooooo-raaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!
(Just then, a twenty-centimetre meteorite falls out of the sky right on top of the ant nest, blasting it wide open, squashing half of the ants in the process, and tossing the rest of them up in the air. )
ANTICLEUS THE ANT: (Muttering) Looks like I'm not going to get that pay rise after all...
(An empty opera stage. A soap bar comes on stage and proceeds to sing...)
La donna è mobile
Qual piuma al vento,
Muta d'accento — e di pensiero.
Sempre un amabile,
In pianto o in riso, — è menzognero.
È sempre misero
Chi a lei s'affida,
Chi le confida — mal cauto il cuore!
Pur mai non sentesi
Chi su quel seno — non liba amore!
(A half-empty box of Omo sitting all alone in the opera stalls bursts into rapturous applause)
Damn! I knew I should have gone in the heats for Australian Idol! That's where all the money is! Arroghe merda!
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
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- Lexicon the Mexican
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- Now he belongs to the ages, again
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