The fierce ding-a-ling of the Mayoral bicycle bell

London mayor Boris Johnson has rescued a woman who was being attacked by an armed group of young girls, chasing them down the road on his bicycle.

Franny Armstrong called for help as she was surrounded and pushed by the girls, one of whom had an iron bar, in Camden, north London, on Monday night.

The mayor, who was cycling past, stopped and chased the girls down the street, calling them: "Oiks".

Ms Armstrong said: "He was my knight on a shining bicycle."

Ms Armstrong directed the film Age of Stupid and is the founder of the 10:10 campaign, which aims to cut carbon emissions by 10% in 2010.

One fine day Lord Mayor of London Boris Johnson was cycling down the road when all of a sudden he saw a set of bimonthly approval ratings for the Mayoralty in danger of falling.

By coincidence, just at that moment Famous Film Director Franny Armstrong happened to be standing around, being menaced by the inevitable result of the economic disparities in the modern urbanised society. Several of them, in fact.

"Save me!" shrieked Franny.

"What do you think you are doing?" cried Boris, grabbing a bar and swinging it wildly at the opinion polls. "This is just not cricket!" He chased the opinion polls down on his bicycle, snarling with rage.

"Oh Boris! You saved me!" cried Franny, rushing up to him and clasping her hands in a manner that was grateful but completely independent of hegemonic patriarchal values that dominate our society. "If it hadn't been for you, who knows what those inevitable result of the economic disparities in the modern urbanised society would have done?"

"What are you talking about?" frowned Boris.

"Didn't you see them? Those three inevitable result of the economic disparities in the modern urbanised society?"said Franny.

"Oh my God!" cried Boris. "I could have been killed! Help me! Help me Franny!"

And Boris Johnson immediately cycled off to his council chambers, where he swished and swirled his gavel at the opinion polls in peace and solitude, thinking to himself how horrible things could have been.