Sunday, July 29, 2012


Watching beer ferment might seem to some to be as exciting as watching grass grow. But what's wrong with grass growing? To see the fierce, fecund follicles thrust their way through the moist loam, and charge into the daylight at a terrifying velocity of millimetres every day - to observe them as each day, gigantic feet crash down upon them, or sharpened metal objects sluice their way through the surrounding dirt, uprooting their brothers and sisters, or ferocious predators run around kicking the dirt up around them in search for worms and grubs - it's enough to give you a heart attack, I tell you!

Maybe you might say that watching beer ferment is about as exciting as watching compost, well... do whatever compost does. Though of course, as any respectable cat (named Harriet and/or Beatrice) will tell you, this is just about the most exciting thing you can do all day, though the mice that have taken up residence within may disagree. 

Besides, watching beer ferment is every bit as exciting as both those things, although it is not as grassy as grass, and contains substantially fewer mice than our compost. And also, why use these similes, anyway? Watching beer ferment is almost as exciting as watching beer ferment, maybe even higher. We have a lovely clear glass bottle, of about five litres capacity (procured from the Greensborough supplier) sitting on the kitchen bench at the moment, completely transparent. The dark wort-and-yeast mixture has been nestled within, nicely filling the rounded edges of the bottle. Over the first few days it has been gradually developing the characteristic pale clouds at the top, calmly bubbling away; and every so often enough carbon dioxide gathers at the bottom of the bubbleator, and a little carbon dioxide bubble goes up into the air and - so global warming theory tells us - a Pacific Island Nation somewhere explodes (or something).

This process, I have been informed by two independent authorities, is known as 'blooping'. And who am I to gainsay them.

You may think this is a pointless post. But what am I talking to you for anyway? I'm going back to looking at the beer ferment now.

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