One collection of headlines with articles following them beats another collection of headlines with articles following them

In news today, one collection of headlines with articles following them has substantially outsold another collection of headlines with articles following them.

The figures released by the national body responsible for the release of such figure confirm that the Melbourne tabloid collection of headlines with articles following them has been the biggest seller, in spite of stiff competition from the Melbourne broadsheet collection of headlines with articles following them.

This is in spite of initial concerns raised that some of the headlines written for one of the newspapers didn't seem to have articles following them, and some of the articles written for the other of the newspapers didn't seem to have headlines before them. However, on looking closer at the results, it turns out that each of the headlines was matched with an article, and each of the articles was matched with a headline, although the two did not necessarily have anything to do with one another (apart from the fact that they followed the headline, that is).

The dreaded headline surplus of 2007, which caused chaos in newspaper circles, and created a glut in the headline market for several of the statewide and suburban newspapers, creating a need for several more articles to be penned than normal in order to fit with the oversupply of headlines, is still remembered. This created a subsequent need for more responsible headline-to-article balance, with editors and journalists everywhere ensuring that, no matter how many headlines were produced, an article was produced to go with the headline, as security against such a calamity ever happening again.

Other statistics released show competition in the newspaper market is still stiff, with the broadsheet daily being found to publish substantially more numbers with pages on top of them than the tabloid daily, which instead seemed to produce a smaller but more consistent number of, well, numbers with pages on top of them.

And while the tabloid was found to have produced more sets of large alternating black and white squares with clues underneath them than the broadsheet, the broadsheet was found to have a much greater variety in the production of sets of large squares, some of which had to be filled in with numbers rather than letters.

The tabloid collection of headlines with articles following them immediately released a headline with an article following it about the whole event claiming that they were the best, while the broadsheet collection of headlines with articles following them straightaway published a headline with an article following it about the affair demonstrating that they were really great, and that their competitor were full of shit.

It seems the future of quality journalism in this country is in good hands.