What Memes May Come

Oh no! The dreaded meme has struck!

10 Years Ago:
I was "studying"* "hard"** in my final year at school. I got quite a high score in my final exams. I attribute this result to all my "hard work."***

*"Studying" = Not really.
**"Hard" = Not much.
***"Hard work" = The examiners always marked my school up for some arcane statistical reason.

Five Years Ago:
I was "studying hard"* as a postgraduate at Sydney University. At the time, I was studying for a one-year postgraduate course, but due to my sheer brilliance, I managed to cut it down to a measly two years.

*"studying hard" = Yeah, right.
One Year Ago:
Stuck in a dead-end part-time job in Newcastle. My work consisted of me writing reports about other people who faked injury in order not to work. Earning enough money to spend and eating enough food to survive. "Volunteering"* for a young-persons group even though I wasn't quite-young-enough at that time (and probably never will be again).

Two months later, I was offered the opportunity to dig holes for a living. Hell, yeah!

*"Volunteering" = "Working Hard" with other "hard" "workers"

Five Yummy Things.
Croissants.
Muffins.
Freddo.
Schnapps.
Omelette a-la Tim! (Like normal omelette, only cooked by me. It's tasty, if you're me.)

Five Songs I "Know"* By Heart
Rule Britannia.
The Drinking Song. (Here's to so and so, he's true blue ...)
"I Hold Your Hand In Mine", Tom Lehrer (see comments).
"Peaches En Regalia", by Frank Zappa.**
"Cool", West Side Story.***

*"Know" = You can substitute 'Na na na na na' for some of the actual words, can't you?
** The fact that this song has no words or singers doesn't matter, does it?
*** I mean, given time, and the occasional bit of help by electric cattle prod, I'm sure I could learn all the words.

Five Things I Would Do With A LOT Of Money
By myself a supersupersized symphony orchestra.
Get the biggest library in the world.
By my family a condominium in the Himalayas.
Get a shrunken head.
Go on a trip to the moon.

Oh, yeah, and do something for world peace, and all that.

Five Things I Would Never Wear.
A Mycenean funeral mask. These days, Sumerian funeral masks are more the thing.
A viking helmet. Because you never know when you are going to run into a cranky Pictish warlord.
The Santa Claus suit. Because you never know, I might get mistaken for this guy.
A birthday cake. That's just stupid: cakes are for eating, not wearing.
A tutu. What, do you think I'm crazy? Tutus are soooo 2004.

Five Favourite TV shows
The Simpsons.
Futurama.
Black Books.
Dr Who (old, not new. I mean, levitating Daleks? That's balderdash, man!)
Little Britain.

Five Things I Enjoy Doing
Reading.
Criticising.
Eating.
Drinking (usually beer-related substances; but also caffeine-related ones, as well).
Nothing.

Five People I Want To Inflict This On
Rachel
Nails
Tim
Darlene
Misha