Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Attention Women!

Feeling clucky? Feeling the need to breed? Then why don't you try ...

BABYEZE (tm) is a tried and tested product of the Huggex Laboratories in Switzerland! It eases your urge to breed and instead creates nice, happy feelings in you*.

But how does this magical BABYEZE (tm) work, I hear you scream? What's the proof? I'm glad you asked. After extensive testing with the latest Baby Models**, Huggex Laboraties have isolated an extremely addictive pheromone - called 'Cuteromonex' - emitted by babies in the presence of females. That's right - poo and piss are not the only things those babies exude! They are in fact highly advanced women-magnets, targeting with deadly accuracy the pleasure centres in the human brain!

That's where BABYEZE (tm) comes in! You see, at the Huggex Laboratories we have perfected a substance which supplies all your 'Cuteromonex' needs, at barely five per cent of the cost of a normal human baby***! That's right - next time you feel the urge to bring forth a squalling bairny into this world, why not go to the chemist instead and procure yourself a bottle of BABYEZE (tm) spray?****

* Any similarity of BABYEZE (tm) to opium is purely coincidental.

** Baby Models graciously supplied by the ACME Baby-Making Corporation, Pty Ltd.

*** Poop and piss sold separately.

****BABYEZE (tm) also comes in arm patches and pill form.


YES! I, _________________, would like to have a bottle or ten of BABYEZE (tm) handy for when those maternal hormones start up! I would like to start off with (please circle appropriate amount):

1 (one) bottle of BABYEZE (tm) ($1,000.00 Australian)

10 (ten) bottles of BABYEZE (tm) ($10,000.00 Australian)

100 (one hundred) bottles of BABYEZE (tm) ($100,000.00 Australian)


Caz said...

Is this a self-administered product only?

Or may one procure the product for use, for example, at public places and gatherings, such as those held at the MCG, Federation Square, the Jam Factory, Telstra buildings in all captial cities, Parliament House, Channel Ten studios and production sites, art galleries, Coles supermarkets, K-mart, gyms and Caroline Springs?

Thanking you in advance.
Well meaning citizen.

Comic Mummy said...

I'll take ten.

TimT said...

Caz, AKA Well meaning citizen - half a bottle in the nearest water source can have wonderful results on large swathes of the population! I'll sign you up for a thousand, then, shall I?

CM - they're on their way. Since you're our first buyer, we'll also throw in a year's supply of, ehrm, some less licit substances manufactured at Huggex Laboratories for your pleasure!

Comic Mummy said...

You meant Babeze is licit? Well, I'll be...cut my tubes and coke me up, baby!

Rachy said...

babies are cute but I'm definitely not clucky at the moment, maybe I don't have the receptive pheromones

Rebecca said...

Hi Tim,
Seeing this just made me more clucky. Good thing for me is I got to hold my friends baby the other night, and I can still smell that baby smell. I so want another one, I really really do. Curse being sterile now, curse it, curse it.

TimT said...

Nooooo, Rachy, babies are not cute, they're evil!

ras said...

what the world certainly needs now is LESS BABIES!!!

Do not heed peter costellos advice!

Do not have one for you country!
Do not have one for yourself!
Do not even have one for your partner!

In their hearts lurk pure darkness!
just look at Family Guys Stewie!

Tim's right! they're Evil!

TimT said...

They are the root of all that is evil.

I think I might go and see The Omen this night ...

Email: timhtrain - at -

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