The Will Type For Food Fashion Watch: A Public Service

Observation
Feral shuffling up and down train platform with enormous pieces of fur on either foot. Has multi-coloured dreadlocks and is carrying a collection of wires woven together like a cage.

Explanation
The feral is obviously employed to slide up and down the train platform, acting as a human broom, to sweep up waste and detritus. The dreadlocks on his head are in fact replacement shoes.
Haven't worked out what the wire cage is for yet.

Observation
Little old Chinese lady, face closely resembling a shrivelled up prune, wrapped in a bright red shawl, waddling along platform.

Explanation
Do not be alarmed. She actually is a shrivelled up prune that vaguely resembles a human. Don't feel bad; I almost made the same mistake myself.

Observation
Girl wearing green shoes, black stockings, green skirt, shiny tan jacket, and red jumper with large white polka dots.

Explanation
Do not be alarmed. She is merely a hippy having an acid flashback. Yes, you are in it too.

Observation
Smal Asian women who wrap scarfs around their necks that are so huge, they look like they're being sucked down into them.

Explanation
These woman are clearly devotees of Jung, and are therefore enacting a return to the womb in order to confront their deep-seated psychological fears about motherhood.

Observation
Balding men who roam the platform in suits and ties.

Explanation
These men are office pets. Whistle and wave a toupee at them to attract their attention; then lure them back into the office with sweets or brightly-coloured crisps before securing them to a chair leg with their ties.