Monday, June 12, 2006

Junk Premier

Dear Steve Bracks, Premier of Victoria,

Thank you so much for legislating to have those wonderful pictures put on cigarette packets! I just love getting up in the morning and stumbling down the street to get some milk, only to find - everywhere I turn my head - pictures of cartiligenous cankers and carcinomas, tar-ridden lungs and devotees of the tobacco plant breathing out their last in the hospital bed. I feel grateful to know that you have done this much to contribute to my aesthetic pleasure!

Sarcasm aside, Steve, I must congratulate you on this astute political campaign. You have elevated our awareness of a terrible problem in Australia: the problem of rubbish. Why, if those awful litterbugs didn't drop cigarette packets everywhere, then no-one would have to put up with these pictures! Let me tell you, Steve, the only thing worse than having to put up with the endless cigarette packets filling up the streets of Coburg, it's tolerating the infinite piles of the MX newspaper that those awful litterbugs leave lying around on the trains! There should be a tax on litterbugs, I say! Even better: we should outlaw littering, and then let litterbugs to practice their filthy habit in publically-owned littering rooms, where they don't bother anybody else. After all, if you're going to behave like preening, sanctimonious twats to me, then you should behave the same to the rest of your 'voting public'. Don't you agree?

In conclusion, I would like to considerately supply you with some pictures of rubbish and trash that you might like to use in your next campaign. Hey, it's only fair!

Yours with slobbering gratitude,
Tim Train


Caz said...

Sure, but there’s a certain amount of glee now that one can ask for a packet of Alpine Rich Flavour, with the gangrene if you have it, thanks.

nailpolishblues said...

So Bracks is the one to blame? Awesome. Though, you know, I really wish he'd kept it to his own state - I am sick of gagging even before I've lit up a stolen cig...

On a happier note - this campaign has done wonders for making smokers look sophisticated. Cigarette cases everywhere! It's like being in a movie from the 1930s only not really.

TimT said...

EXCELLENT point, Caz. I might take up smoking just to be able to do that.

Yep, Nails - and apparently, they've invented 'cigarette jackets' now to put your cigarette cases in. Also, this guy has a side business selling labels you can stick over your cigarette packets.

And guess what? The AMA wants them banned, too...

Email: timhtrain - at -

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