Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Suppress The Urge

There are some urges that must be suppressed. You must not pull the bulbous nose of a companion, just to test your theory that it will make a honking noise. You must not attempt to play the bongoes on the head of a balding elderly colleague, no matter how much you may desire to. You must not pull the pigtails of your school companion, nor press the belly button of a person wearing a too-short-shirt, nor surreptitiously drop a cupcake down the bell of a tuba as the player honks his way through another tune: these things are simply not done.

Yesterday, I was sitting in the cafe at lunch when a woman wearing the highest high-heeled shoes I have ever seen tottered through the door, balancing herself against the breeze. I instantly suppressed the urge to go over and give her a tap on the shoulder as a way of verifying my hypothesis that she would wobble and collapse to the floor. For I know that these urges must be suppressed, for the good of civilisation.

But O, how I wanted to ...

UPDATE! - If Paris Hilton falls in a forest, and there's no-one else around to hear it except Nikki Hilton, does she really make a sound?


ras said...

rule number three, you should never, even though you want to, kick someone who has a huge ass, in the bum when they are bending over in front of you....even though it has a target painted on it and even though your foot has an arse seeking missle attached to the toe.

You just shouldnt do it...

these are the trials i face everyday in my job in an office full of some morbidly obese people.

Kate said...

Do you think it might have been the real life Barbie?

TimT said...

A bit too brunette for Barbie, Kate.

Ras - maybe a few surreptitiously-placed drawing pins could do the trick?

Email: timhtrain - at -

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