Sunday, May 23, 2010

The man who mistook himself for a croissant

"Are you selling that croissant?"

"No. I'm very attached to it."

People generally are very attached to their food, I thought, as I overheard this conversation. If not at first, then afterwards. It's all to do with digestion, or something. Gradually, the food attaches itself to your skin, until you're not sure where the skin starts, or the croissant ends. Eventually - if you keep on eating croissants, at least - you reach a point at which you start looking like a whole series of croissants, from end to end. You could probably pass yourself off as a bunch of croissants if you were in a bakery of something. You could throw in a bunch of fruit and start looking like a fruit salad, or maybe a funny hat that people wear at the races, but the principle is the same. This is why you see people walking around looking like the deli section of the supermarket - it happens all the time.

It's a pretty funny way to lead your life I suppose, walking around looking like a saucy chicken and mayonaisse sandwich, or a sugary crusty little donut. You could even get the occasional gourmand looking to put you in their personal toaster oven. Still, that doesn't mean you should get fussed over it.

One way of getting around all these difficulties would probably be by eating a car. Gradually, the cars would fuse to your flesh and you would become a combination car-man, an awesome Auto-Zilla. But you would be pretty hungry. Cars aren't actually that nutritious, after all.

Bet you hadn't thought of that when you started eating cars, had you?


Dan the VespaMan said...

Can fully agree. Sometimes I look and feel like a sack of spuds.

TimT said...

This evening I was walking back home and thought to myself 'if I got hit by that truck, I'd be a vegetable. But what sort of vegetable? A zucchini? I'd rather like to be a zucchini.'

I lead a deep, emotionally rich, and intellectually satisfying existence. Not that many other people agree with me on that.

Dan the VespaMan said...

Perhaps a squash.

Sorry but couldn't resist.

TimT said...

You should watch out or you'll be turned into a pretty pickle all right.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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