Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Now, you know, I don't comment much on political matters on this blog. But this is an issue that is just so important: it affects all of us. Or perhaps only some of us. Whatever...

Oh, Bea!

Vote for Beatrice in the Whiskas competition!

If you could take a little time out of your busy schedules today to place a vote for our cat, Beatrice, in this competition, we'd be much obliged:

A vote for the Beatrice Party will benefit you in many ways:

- Beatrice has pledged to increase quotas of cuteness in everyday life.

- Beatrice is a cat of the people (and I bet you've never heard any other politician described as a 'person of the cats', have you? Exactly.) She understands and sympathises with the struggles of everyday working life.

- Beatrice has spots. And very nice ones, too. If she wins the majority of your votes, she will bring these spots to as many citizens as possible.

- Something about working families.

- A vote for Beatrice means a laptop for every child!

Well we're not too sure about that last one. But one final point:

- Beatrice is a genuine, honest cat. With Beatrice, you always know what you're going to get.

Please don't be distracted by the opposition, who have resorted to cheap gimmicks like putting their cats in ties. Let's get back to the real issues - ie, cats in boxes. Or possibly household cleaning implements.

Authorised by Timothy Train of the Beatrice For Higher Office Coalition, Melbourne.


Mindy said...

16 votes now, only a few more thousand and she will be on the leaderboard!

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

19! I think she's going to make it!

TimT said...


Deborah said...

Twenty four!

Steve said...

It'll all turn to scandal when she's videoed leaving that cat sex club down the road. You have them in Melbourne, don't you?

TimT said...

She wouldn't do that, for her heart is pure. Plus, she's more interested in eating the moths in the house than going outside.

Steve said...

I did try to think of a funny name or acronym instead of just saying " cat sex club", but failed. Pussy Galore is too obvious, I think.

TimT said...

Furry follies.

Mitzi G Burger said...

Bea can single-pawedly solve the home insulation debacle by sitting on everyone's lap.

Steve said...

Apologies in advance for veering into "Are You Being Served" territory, but...

I assume the photo means that Alexis can say some days "look, there's a pussy in my drawers!"

Again, apologies. It's the sort of thing I would never say out loud, but in print I somehow feel I can get away with it.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Steve, perhaps I could one day say something like that, but I rarely stray from the subjects of linear algebra and the book of Deuteronomy, so it's unlikely to happen any time soon.

Steve said...

Deuteronomy? I pictured you more as swooning over the Song of Solomon:

# My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand.
# His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy, and black as a raven.
# His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set.
# His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh.
# His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires.
# His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars.

Sounds like Tim, doesn't it?

Steve said...

Then, after 15 years of marriage, Alexis will be nagging at Tim: "can you please stop dribbling that icky myrrh on the pillow while you sleep?! It doesn't come out in the wash you know. And if I see that Beryl around here again, you're out of here!"

TimT said...

Nah Steve, I'm more like that woman at the end of the Bible. Whatsername? The purple one. From Sumer, or somesuchplace.

Steve said...

This woman (from Revelation)?:

"and the woman was arrayed with purple and scarlet-colour, and gilded with gold, and precious stone, and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and uncleanness of her whoredom"

It's interesting: some translations have "lewdness", "fornication", "adultery" or "immorality" instead of "whoredom", which seems to me quite a range of possible meanings. She might have been Mrs Slocum, Paris Hilton, or Xavier Hollander, who knows?

In any event, I'm having trouble seeing the resemblance to you, unless it's just a reference to how grotty your tea mug gets at work if you accidentally forget to wash it for a week.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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