Thursday, July 31, 2008

If humans were amorphous amoebic watery blobs

If humans were amorphous amoebic watery blobs, would we relax in an Oozy Chair at the end of a long day? Would clocks tell the slime instead of the time? Would we call interesting people 'Drips' instead of applying that description to boring people? Would we, in fact, call our President or Prime Minister the Drip-in-chief? When we saw a friend arriving, would we greet them with the words, 'Here comes blubble!' Would we sing songs to our beloved every time we left one another, beginning with the words 'Parturition is such sweet sorrow...'

If humans were amorphous amoebic watery blobs, things would be a lot different. That's for sure.


Maria said...

I think Wet Ones would be me and my friends and hygienic moist tissues would be Humans.

I also would check my heater a lot. To make sure it were off and I didn't dry out.

Maybe I wouldn't have a heater, even. Maybe I'd have a Wetter.

Gosh! And I'd have to check it were on a lot.

Life gets more and more complicated.

Mitzi G Burger said...

If so, I would happily evaporate my evil former real estate agent; or grow an algae on him; or put him in a freezer and drop his frozen bob-shape off a high bridge into a craggy ravine, to be dashed to ameobic smithereens. Ah, sweet, amorphous revenge.

Caz said...

What if we humans were dark matter instead of atoms?

What then hey?

I demand answers!

TimT said...

Maria - also, young Baby Boomer blobs in the 1950s would thrill to such horrifying tales as 'The Human!' Or 'The Thing Not from the Swamp!'

Mitzi - I'll be happy to join you in such a bloodcurdling act of amoebic vengeance.

Caz - But isn't dark matter just unseen matter - ie, still made out of atoms?

There was a theory that turning on a new particle accelerator would somehow turn the earth, and everyone on it, into little non-atomic particles called strangelets. Which sounded weirdly attractive.

Incidentally, I just sent a story off to a magazine called 'The Cold Dark Matter of Life' on similar topics.

TimT said...

Er, that is the story was called 'The Cold Dark Matter of Life' - not the magazine.

There I bloody well go, dangling my bloody modifiers and splitting my infinitives again.

Caz said...

Ah, no, see that's the whole problem Timmy.

We only know what about 10% of the universe if made up of, that is: atoms.

The other 90% is unknown.


We know not what is out there, but we know it's there, and it's not atoms.


Do keep us appraised of any success with having your stories published.

TimT said...

Oh, I see - well, that's a fair comment then.

I'm currently trying to bring this story to the attention of the (evidently rather) lax editors of that magazine, a nice little Aussie SF magazine that is nevertheless rather lacking in the efficiency department.

Had a small success with another story, a mini-fiction of under 50 words, that I submitted to a Melbuourne Uni postgrad journal's writing competition. Got as a prize three copies of their journal. I'm not sure if they intend to publish it.

nailpolishblues said...

That's very mini indeed. It maketh my poor mind boggle [admittedly not taking much at the moment.]

Caz said...

You have an expectation of efficiency from SF mag editors?

That's so sweat, you're adorable.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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