The gas bill, written by Shakespeare
Dear citizen - O fair and goodly friend -
Fain were I thy most valued loved offend;
Nay, if fiends of hell, no less, would thee attack -
We'd face them with our swords, and turn 'em back:
Fair friend, my bosom brother, dearest coz -
For thee I'd sell my kingdom and my horse.
So 'tis with grief I must inform thee now,
I am (being bound by antient sacred vow
To represent the _____ Corporation,
A name you hold in highest veneration),
I am, I do repeat, made to ask you
For the sum of ... (let me see now) ... $692.
Willliam Shakespeare, representative of the ______ Corp, gas and electricity.
Of course, dear coz, if payments get behind
I must inform you that you will be fined.
Master Basho's haiku, as written by the author of overdue gas notices
Lotus at evening:
The petals fall slowly. Your
Bill is overdue.
I sigh... sorrowfully.
Failure to pay could result in
I observe the lark
Singing daily: Alas! If
Only you would pay.
We will be sending
Officers soon to discuss
Your legal options.
Pay up, buster. Or
We will have to prosecute
On this sad evening.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2017 (30)
- ► 2016 (71)
- ► 2015 (106)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- If humans were amorphous amoebic watery blobs
- Out now from SMACME products
- Ian Thorpe
- Zealed the deal
- Abstract semiotic concept - This is your life!
- The ultimate death match: footballers versus garde...
- Thursday clerihews
- This is what I get up to with my spare time
- Paradoxes of the space-timetabular continuum
- Conversation overheard in the toilets at the Trade...
- Thankfully, no
- Public health announcement
- It's all in the delivery man
- They walk amongst us
- Like a possessed baritone, I can't stop bloody sin...
- Benedict gets down wid da homies
- And stay up there!
- I still don't know
- Epigrams of the tax office
- Coleridge never had to work for a media monitoring...
- The Quibs and Bunning Writers Exchange Program #2
- The eternal wisdom of SuperTed
- Living in the leaky-styrofoamed lap of luxury
- The public transport chronicles, #1001
- The five greatest commas in literary history
- Schmuck Friday
- The Quibs and Bunning Writers Exchange Program #1
- Junk food ads for people with eating disorders
- ▼ July (29)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)