18 Pointless Things People Do

1. Wear sunglasses at night.

2. Have a Chinese tattoo on their neck/thigh/breast, even though they do not understand one word of Chinese.

3. Vote for the Greens.

4. Call a number repeatedly but leave no message on the answering machine.

5. Own an answering machine but never listen to it.

6. Have a piano in their house while only knowing how to play the crumhorn.

7. Make facial expressions while talking on the phone and leaving messages on an answering machine that people never listen to.

8. Wear purple underwear even though they are a nuns.

9. Sit on public transport with hundreds of other people, yet never say a word to break the funereal silence.

10. Have a third hand but hide it from sight.

11. Have three dicks but only use two.

12. Attempt to train a wombat in steeple-chasing.

13. Write something that does not rhyme, scan, or have any lines, and call it poetry.

14. Write a suicide letter and not kill themselves.

15. Write a long essay about how they are going to kill the President of America and then not go through with it because they are an Australian.

16. Attempt to masturbate a dead rhinoceros.

17. Use apostrophes with felonious intent.

18. Grow broccoli.