Wednesday, October 12, 2005

News Break

The debate over global warming is heating up.
A recent study performed by the Avatar Briefs Institute of Piratologistic Research has shown that there is a clear relationship between global temperature and the amount of pirates on the high seas.
Caz, spokespirate and chief scientist for the institute, is calling for "vigorous implementation of pirate apprenticeship schemes in all parts of the world, but most particularly focused in first world developed countries" to address the global warming problem.
John Howard, Tony Blair, and George Bush have all stated that "they will look closely at the study".

However, the study has come in for heavy criticism from some experts, especially the Ned Kelly Establishment of Higher Bushrangerism, who claim that the study relies on flawed research.
"Isn't it time we moved on from this type of 'research', so called?" said their spokesperson, Arthur 'Thunderbolt' Timplebum. "We no longer live in the bad-old days, when pirates and buccaneers ruled the high seas."
The Kelly Establishment have completed an alternative study. They claim that it proves that there is "a proportional relationship between the number of bushrangers on our streets" and global warming. They are calling for immediate international protocols to encourage the growth in the bushranger sector. They are petitioning the UN for an immediate increase in the amount of bushrangers, as a matter of international urgency.
They have already won the endorsement of several high-profile individuals, including Gough Whitlam and Tim Flannery.

*Diagram from the study released by the Avatar Briefs Institute.


Rachy said...

have you read the actual speech? It's fantastic... I can post the link here if you want

Rachy said...

the speech I was thinking about was Michael Crichton talking about how aliens cause global warming, a simple error! I'll give you the link to the speech anyway...

TimT said...

I think I've read the Crichton speech once, a while ago.

Maybe aliens cause global warming because of the tinfoil hats everyone has to wear, which reflect a great deal of the suns radiation, or something?

This post was actually inspired by a hilarious posting on Avatar Briefs:

coffee and cigarettes said...

wouldn't you love to be this person?,11711,1591851,00.html

TimT said...

Damn RIGHT I would! And the first thing I'd do is sit down and read the thing from beginning to end ... screw the historians, you don't get an opportunity like that more than once in a life.

I'll see you at the Dan!

Email: timhtrain - at -

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