The Four Stages of Drunkeness

Stage 1: Diagnosis
You remember everything you say to others perfectly well, and are happy to stand by it afterwards.

Stage 1: Cure
You're not drunk, you're just faking it. Have another drink.

Stage 2: Diagnosis
You remember everything you say to others perfectly well, and wish you had said something else.

Stage 2: Cure
Drinking is an excellent way to forget.

Stage 3: Diagnosis
You do not remember everything you say very well, and you wish the others wouldn't repeat it to you afterwards.

Stage 3: Cure
The only solution is to get them drunk. Lead by example, have a beer.

Stage 4: Diagnosis
Not only do you not remember things you say very well, but you are even worse at remembering things you never said, but which others talk about afterwards.

Stage 4: Cure
There seems nothing else to do: drink again. Go on, it will help you work out a solution.