Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Ex-Ex-Gay Comes Out Of the Closet (Again)

"I am gay and I am proud," said Richard G. Jerome, 37, of Alabama. "Again."
The proud gay man has come out of the closet for a second time after going into the closet for a second time after coming out of the closet for a first time.
"It's the circle of life!" laughs Jerome. "I like to explain it like this: I was proud of being gay, then I was proud of being ex-gay, now I am proud of being ex-ex-gay. I was, and am, proud of all of those things. It's just a matter of maintaining different paradigms."
Nor is this unusual. Jerome personally knows several Ex-ex-ex-gays, two ex-ex-ex-ex-gays, and one ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-gay. "That's too many 'ex'es!" laughs Jerome. "I just call him ex, to the power of eight!"
Sociologists have been noticing this phenomenon increasingly in parts of Jerome's community. Indeed, the results can be plotted on an X-Y axis - or, as sociologists have taken to calling it, an 'Ex/Why-Not' axis:

Jerome even introduced his boyfriend to the concept. "That was amusing!" laughs Jerome. "I lost a gay friend but gained an ex-gay-ex-boyfriend!"
But things turned awry when Jerome's ex-gay-ex-boyfriend became gay again and turned into an ex-ex-gay-ex-boyfriend.
"He tried to tell me that he wasn't ex-ex-gay, he was just gay all along. He'd only become ex-gay to humour me," says Jerome sadly. "I could tell he was lying - that bitch!"
And when Jerome's ex-ex-gay-ex-boyfriend met Jerome's other ex-gay-ex-ex-boyfriend, Jerome was horrified. "They were traitors to the ex-gay movement!" he cries. "But eventually I came to see their position. It's what eventually brought me round: I now realise I can be ex-ex-gay and proud."
"And who knows what the future holds?" he continues. "I look forward to coming out of the closet a third time after going into the closet a third time after coming out of the closet a second time after... ah, you know what I mean!"

"It's a beautiful thing, man, a beautiful thing!"

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