AN OPEN LETTER TO SHAUN MICALLEF
Many happy obsequies for the day (whatever day that is)! I hope and distrust that you will be celebrating it with all due sanctimonial, not to mention obloquy!
But allow me to reduce myself. I have long been an admirer of you, much longer than I have been aware of your mere existence. Furthermore, it is my latest wish that my sincere toadihood continues, long after I forget everything you ever knew about yourself!
You, sir, are extraordinary. There is not a single thing about you that is unforgettable, especially to one so skilled in forgetting the details of the inglorious as myself. Why, your presence of mind is indefatigable, and the magnanimity of your rectitude has to be felt rather than relieved!
If I may avail myself of you benevolence for so short a period of my time, I wish to make you unwary of a little offer you have to make me. In due course, I will be forwarding on my details (qualmish as they are) to one of your mid-to-upper-level unctionaries. You will then, in your unassuming manner, be able to enclose, in a stamped, unredressed envelope, as great an amount of your fame as I should wish for: the more glory, the better (for me!)
It really is most *most* kind of you to exist in such a charitably well-known manner. I know you will not appoint me.
In conclusion, sir, and also to end, I will resay again that you are wondrous, nay, positively ambidextrous, a true marvel of nature, a mature navel! Certainly your grandeur will condescend to grant an overfund of hauteur to myself.
THREE SNEERS FOR YOU, SIR!
I remain, sir,
Yours, as ever,
Most regretfully, gracefully, and sincerely,
Tim, & co., & co., & co., Train
I neither endorse nor agree with the entire content of this letter, including this last sentence.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2017 (30)
- ► 2016 (71)
- ► 2015 (106)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- Uber Psychedelic
- You learn a new something every day
- Avuncularity, Excess Of
- Bonus Fudge Post!
- The illicit felicit
- The Progress Theatre
- Letters from the hedge
- To spoon your buffon by the light of the moon
- Craptacular in Technicolour
- The theory of natural rejection
- A charitable initiative
- Help! The samples are attacking!
- News Story So Controversial It Disagrees With Itse...
- Allusions of Grandeur
- Craptic Crossword
- Quick! Eight random things about myself...
- Abhorrent upgraded to Appalling
- The quality of Aunts
- Craption contest
- Sock Jocks!
- Attention, crossword people!
- Jane Austen gets saucy
- Quit while you're a header
- In the Offices of Power
- Cereal Commenter
- An Alekhine versus Capablanca moment
- Nature is Pretty #233
- Tomato sauce on the streets!
- This Blog's on a roll...
- A comment on comments
- Conflict of Interest
- Jurassic snark, and other examples of enviro-psych...
- ▼ July (34)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)