Tuesday, July 17, 2007

News Story So Controversial It Disagrees With Itself

A news story published today caused so much controversy and dispute in the international media, that it could not even agree with itself!
"The first paragraph disagreed with the second paragraph, the second paragraph sneered at the first paragraph, and that was just the start of it," said the first paragraph this morning. "Basically, the second paragraph just didn't get it."
However, the second paragraph disagreed.

"The paragraph above me is stupid," started the second paragraph. "It's ridiculously ignorant - I mean, it's been sitting on top of me all day and hasn't even been aware of my existence!"
Feuding and intercine warfare has already broken out between different parts of the news story, including the first two paragraphs, and international authorities are becoming worried. There seems to be no end in sight.

Meanwhile, the third paragraph calmly and quietly sat beneath the first two paragraphs and disagreed with them both.
"I'll take you all," said the third paragraph in a prepared statement to the media (the first and second paragraphs just happening to be that media).
The third paragraph then bared its arms, flexed its muscles, and waded into the fray.
There are fears that, if the news story continues much longer, it could develop into an international incident.

The paragraph just below me is stupid!
Even headlines of the news story are causing controversy, like the idiotic one just above the fourth paragraph. However, authorities agree that the headline above is not half so idiotic as the headline immediately below the fourth paragraph.

What authorities are you talking about, you senseless dunderpate?
In a new development in this fast-breaking news story, the headline for the fifth paragraph has just started calling the last sentence for the fourth paragraph names. Not so the fifth paragraph itself, which lives a life of quiet contentment, knowing that it alone of all the paragraphs in the news story is absolutely right.

However, an opinion poll for the column appears to have gone off its rockers, stopping random paragraphs in the news story and asking them what their opinion is of it.

What is your opinion about this opinion poll?
This is the best opinion poll I have ever participated in!
It's excellent!
In my opinion, this opinion poll is great!
I strongly disagree with this opinion poll, and would like to reconsider my vote.
Free polls from

We'll bring you new developments in this story as they occur.


alexis said...

I thought the opinon poll was totally rad, but then it wouldn't let me vote twice, and I changed my mind.

Jo said...

Hmmmm. Meta.

TimT said...

It's a very scientific poll. I've got it set up so people can only vote once - once a day, that is. I wouldn't want to rig the results, or anything.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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