(Will Type For Food brings you this dramatic scene from within the offices of The Guardian.)
SCENE:
The office of the editor of the Guardian. The judicious eye of the Editor is being cast over the latest piece for the blogs, a small whinge by Howard Barker about public funding for his unpopular theatre company being cut. The words 'washed out Stalinist bureaucracy' are used.
EDITOR: Hmmm. Won't be needing this!
Editor picks up a large sheaf of papers titled 'Intelligence', and throws them into the bin.
The editor next turns to a rant by Richard Flanagan about Australian Government policy in the Northern Territory, cheerfully deploying adjectives such as 'draconian', 'racist', etc, before finally, in an excess of generosity, imputing the same reaction to the Australian media, even though they have been somewhat reluctant to use the phrases themselves.
EDITOR: Well. I've been wanting to do this for a while.
Picks up a disorganised sheaf of papers titled 'Accuracy and Truthfulness', and tips it into the paper shredder.
The editor turns next to the current piece by Anas Alkatiri lauding terrorist-group-come-government Hamas for the release of English journalist Alan Johnston from a hostage situation.
After considering it for a few seconds, Editor turns to several documents entitled, in turn 'Integrity', 'Fairness', 'Balance', 'Morality', etc.
EDITOR: At last! I've been needing to clean this place up!
Proceeds to set all of the documents on fire, feed their ashes through the shredder, and throw the scraps in the bin, pouring water on them, and mixing them up with a shovel into a uniform gray mulch, before feeding them to a bunch of kittens he keeps in the cupboard.
Just then, the Reviews Editor sticks their head through the door.
REVIEWS EDITOR: Actually, E., ever since we published a piece in the 60s favouring Chairman Mao, we pretty much haven't had to worry about any of those things.
BOTH: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Long pause.
EDITOR: You're fired.
END
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- Mel...
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Croucherisms...
- Was two peas, now three peas
- Desciopolous!
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- Erin...
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- Gempiricalisations
- TonyT
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Jellyfish
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au
Blog Archive
-
▼
2007
(392)
-
▼
July
(34)
- Uber Psychedelic
- You learn a new something every day
- Madvertising
- Avuncularity, Excess Of
- Bonus Fudge Post!
- The illicit felicit
- The Progress Theatre
- Letters from the hedge
- To spoon your buffon by the light of the moon
- Craptacular in Technicolour
- The theory of natural rejection
- Fudgeomatic!
- A charitable initiative
- Help! The samples are attacking!
- News Story So Controversial It Disagrees With Itself
- Allusions of Grandeur
- Craptic Crossword
- Quick! Eight random things about myself...
- Abhorrent upgraded to Appalling
- The quality of Aunts
- Craption contest
- Sock Jocks!
- Attention, crossword people!
- Jane Austen gets saucy
- Quit while you're a header
- In the Offices of Power
- Cereal Commenter
- An Alekhine versus Capablanca moment
- Nature is Pretty #233
- Tomato sauce on the streets!
- This Blog's on a roll...
- A comment on comments
- Conflict of Interest
- Jurassic snark, and other examples of enviro-psych...
-
▼
July
(34)
5 comments:
Cheerfully stolen from here, although since it was initially a comment made by me at Steve's, I'm not sure whether I need to admit to plagiarism or not.
So I may have read that before? Confusing.
Maybe I should sue myself, but not if he does first.
Tim, please advise of your home and work address immediately, together with your phone number, Master/ Visa Card and details of all bank account currently in credit, so that my lawyer does not have to go to the trouble of starting court action to get this information.
(Don't blame me; my solicitor is formerly from Nigeria and said I needed to get this.)
We can both take out a class action against myself.
Post a Comment