Pardon me for telling you this Chris, but Right-wingers such as Evil Pundit and Satan and Tim Blair, Oppressor, could have told you this ages ago. Ming the Merciless could have told you as much fifty years ago.
And as somebody who once voted for the Liberals, I realise that I am an evil and wicked person who wants to eat your babies. Nice and raw, please.
But, apart from stating the bleeding obvious, this 'true' history of the Liberal party is quite entertaining:
The Satanic Liberal Party was conceived and born from the conviction that satanists and the rich, working in collusion together, could achieve a better Australia. The vision and the conviction came from Robert Menzies, a man who by strength of character, intellect and industry secretly forged one cohesive and united party from like minded, but disparate and scattered, psychopathic devil-worshippers and their organizations.
The Satanic Liberal Party brought unparalleled prosperity and security to satanists while in office, and rigorous persecution to unbelievers while in opposition. Menzies' vision was that all satanists, no matter what their political beliefs, were entitled to enjoy the rewards of their rapacious slaughter of all in their path both for themselves and their children; that government existed to help them achieve this, while at the same time caring for those who because of mental infirmity, ego or sadistic nature needed to dominate the wider community, but otherwise intervening as little as possible in their rampage. Menzies was desperately concerned that the necessary restriction of freedoms imposed by government during the war would not extend into peacetime. Only an allout attempt at anti-communist hysteria could provide a continuing source of cover for the harrassment and occasional eating of opponents necessary to a stable government.
God knows what a 'Secret History of the Labor Party' would be like:
Once upon a time, all the nice and happy and generous and virtuous people in Australia got together and decided that it would be really really great if they could make a political party so they could be nice and happy and ... etc, etc to one another all the time. And they called this party the Labor party, and in order to make extra-specially sure that they would be nice as often as possible, they did really nice things, like raise taxes and limit freedom and make sure that nice policies like the White Australia policy were kept in place. In this way, they made sure that the poor people stayed poor and the nice (ie, rich) people stayed rich and were able to be nice and generous to all those poor people as often as possible, and the wogs just stayed away. And everybody lived happily ever after, except for those times when the evil mean and nasty Liberal party was in power and did things like give Aborigines the vote and let the wogs in and generally institute policies that actually let poor people become rich.
THE END
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