Me No Spika De Person

Can't ... Type ... Must ... Stop ... Laughing ...

So I'm walking down Beaumont Street, Newcastle, when I pass by an Animal Rights storefront at the upper end. There's a sign in the door that catches my eye:

Say NO to Animals in Pet Shops!

This is funny.
This is very funny.
The thought of dour-faced animal-liberationists in slime-green uniforms going about the pet stores, and saying "NO" to quivering little puppies in clear, authoritative voices is almost too funny for words. It makes you wonder if the activists get into arguments with the puppies - 'What part of NO don't you understand? Aren't you listening to me?' - to which, I suppose, the pup in question might reply, 'Um, I'm probably not responding because I have no linguistic, syntactical, grammatical, or verbal ability whatsoever. Otherwise I agree with your campaign wholeheartedly.'
Which I suppose is what is so funny about the whole thing. Saying NO to puppies is funny because they have no idea what you are saying. I did it plenty of times with my own dog at home, a fox-terrier called Bella. I would take her aside at least once a day, and say 'NO' to her in firm, stentorian tones and watch her quail and quake. It never failed to get a laugh. Sometimes, for variety, I might even take her aside and say 'YES' in the same firm, stentorian tones and watch her quail and quake. As a matter of fact, it didn't take much to put the tremors into her dear, timid little heart - all you had to do was say a word, any word, at random - for instance, 'ASTIGMATISM' - in firm, stentorian tones, and watch her shiver and run around in confusion. Next time I get a dog, I plan to go one better, and teach her or him a set of commands which only I can understand - for instance, instead of saying 'sit', 'roll over', 'come', 'fetch', I might substitute it with an equally valid set of terms, such as 'elephant!', 'cream pies!', 'quiches', 'quentin!' (I know, I know, small things, small minds...)

Incidentally, the pamphlet got even funnier:

Because this lucrative pet shop market exists in Australia, backstreet breeders and "puppy farms" who supply pet shops continue to churn out more and more poor puppies and kittens.

Oh, those dark Satanic mills in which those evil Capitalist Oppressors spawn puppies to overrun the earth!

In short, the Animal Rights Campaign to Say NO to Animals in Pet Shops is a hoot and I wholeheartedly endorse it. Go into a pet shop today and respond to the puppies in the negative! O, wot fun! O, the hilarity!