Australia Day Post!

If you're reading this overseas, you probably haven't heard that it's Australia Day at the moment, and if you haven't, then you probably won't be too interested in hearing about the history of Australia, which is why I'm going to tell you anyway.
Actually, there's not that much to tell. Australia is basically a normal land full of ordinary people doing everyday things, like watching television, getting married, drinking tea, and fondling rhinoceroses. That might seem a little odd, but many of us are descended from English people, and to them, drinking tea is a completely ordinary, everyday thing to do in the morning before they go off to fondle their neighbourhood rhinoceros.
I guess the getting married thing is a bit weird too. In some countries like America, getting divorced is more the thing. Divorce is popular over here too, but remember that we have to get married to get divorced, otherwise it would ruin the magic of the moment.

Some facts about Australia:
1) The liberal political party are called Labor and the conservative political party are called the Liberals!
2) What the Europeans call football, we call soccer; and what we call football, the Europeans don't call anything at all. Also, what the Americans call football seems weird and a little bit scary to us!
3) Since we walk on the bottom side of the earth, we walk on our heads and have to wear weights to stop us falling off. You might think that this wearing weights thing makes us heavier and makes it easier for us to fall off, and actually, you have a
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h point. But I've never let a good point get in the way of my writing.

We use some funny words over here in Australia. For instance, we eat our breakfast with a 'spoon', we eat our lunch and dinner with a 'fork' and 'knife', and we eat off items of cutlery that we call 'bolymakapulics'. Also, we call our mother 'Mum' and our father 'Dad', and we refer to our Aunts and Uncles with names like 'Sithering' and 'Blugalug'. Some Americans are put off by the fact that in Australia we drive on the left side of the road, and not the right; but to make matters easier for them, to us, 'left' means 'right' and 'right' means 'left'. Also, what you call a lie is called 'truth' over here. This means that, if you ever come to visit Australia, and you ask for advice, then you should probably do the exact opposite of what we tell you. Seriously.
We have some interesting customs here, too. For instance, we used to have something over here called 'Daylight savings', which means that once every year we turn the clock back one hour, and then six months after that, we turned the clock forward one hour. Nobody knew why they did this, but this was tradition, and there's no way we'd go against tradition. Eventually, someone put forward the theory that by turning the clock back, we gave ourselves an extra hour in every day. Then someone else suggested that if instead of turning the clock back an hour every day, we turned the clock back a day every hour, we'd get several extra days in the one hour. This made plenty of sense to us, seeing as we were drunk at the time, so now we do that instead.

Anyway, that's enough about Australia. I hope you'll all come to visit us, or come here for a holiday - whichever comes first. G'day, mates!