Sunday, January 01, 2006

Giving Your Child An Inspirational Name

They fuck you up, your mum and dad,
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

It's a good thing that C.S. Lewis, the writer of The Chronicles of Narnia, is never referred to by his full name, because his full name is Clive Staples Lewis. The Clive I can understand, barely: but Staples? The only reason for a fellow having a middle name like that is because he had a relative, an Uncle or Aunty, for instance, with that as a last name. Aunty Staples, anyone?
That's tradition for you. A means by which the misery of one generation can be perpetuated by inflicting it on the next. Thus the cycle of pain continues over the ages.

Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf;
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

(Thanks to Vague for alerting us to this crucial matter)


Aunty Marianne said...

But weren't you going to have children so that when the time comes, you can transplant your brain into one of their bodies?

Sounded like a good idea to me.

Ivan the Terrible said...

Inspirational names? You need a trip to the ghetto names collection point...

rachy said...

Philip Larkin has got to be one of my favourite writers, ever.

TimT said...

*Smacks forehead* Aunty Marianne, obviously I'm going to have to wait until the kids are grown up, otherwise I'll have to mash my brains into their undergrown heads. And nobody wants that.

Ivan, thanks for that link, I love that shit!

Rachy, Philip Larkin is the bees knees!!!

vague said...

I went to school with a girl sadly named Chastity. Her parents were certainly overshooting in that case.

beautifulatrocities said...

My mom talked my dad out of naming after his dad, Elmer. Can u imagine? I've already had a tragic life - rotten parents, poor self-esteem, curly hair - but Elmer would have put me in the statistics bin

beautifulatrocities said...

At work, I used to have to call offices in the Deep South. One girl was named Aquanette. She was pretty cheerful about it

vague said...

Aquanette? Wow. I saw a chick on an MTV reality show the other day ("Making the Band," maybe?) named Taquita. She's a little taco.

TimT said...

I met a girl at Uni called Skye Topic. Can't say I envied her much.

Elmer sounds like a great name to torment your kids with. Take that, baby! That'll serve you right for being ugly, stupid, and for puking everywhere!

Anonymous said...

it doesn't have to be a wierd name either. equal misery can be wrought by giving your kids too many names even if those names would be normally quite acceptable. my sister is called sarah joy diana jessica and i go by jane mary florence claudia. at school it got shortened to fuckface, understandably.

TimT said...

Oh dear. When will parents ever learn?

Email: timhtrain - at -

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