Friday, January 20, 2006

Mispelling Is Vulgar

People, help me out here. I've got a problem. How do you spell 'cocksucker'? Is it with a hyphen? Without? Is it one word, or two words?

I wouldn't want to mispell it. That would be just rude.

UPDATE! - And while we're working on this problem, let's try a couple of other ones as well.

1) 'Arsehole' or 'Asshole'? It depends what website you log on to. Being an Australian, I favour the Macquarie Dictionary spelling ('Arsehole'). (an American website) also has one entry under 'Arsehole':


n : excretory opening at the end of the alimentary canal [syn: anus, arse, asshole]

What do you think, readers? Both spellings have certain advantages.

2) Is there such a thing as a 'fucktard'? The word is not listed in Macquarie Dictionary, not even if it is hyphenated. Ditto (which asks 'Did you mean "fucated"?)

If the word 'fucktard' is not listed in any dictionary, then do fucktards exist? Or are they just the figment of our collective imaginations?

3) Are there any synonyms for the term 'bitchface'? Macquarie, Dictionary, and Thesaurus give no help whatsoever. It's almost as if ... they're censoring the English language!

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE! - A conversation I had a while ago about the dichotomy between "Ass" and "Arse":


how do you distinguish between an ass (donkey) and an arse (backside)?
Pedantically yours, TimT



I read somewhere that the difference between "arse" and "ass" is the difference between Rugby and American Football.

But I find "ass" to be a bit more vulgar and thus more american. "Arse" to American ears sounds a little formal. It seems the impact would be lost if I shouted "Kiss my Arse!" to somebody over here. And if you threatened to kick somebody's arse, you'd probably be laughed out of the bar.


I think that's a good point. In general, 'ass' probably suits the American accent better; Australians prefer to extend their vowels. But I also like the 'formality', so-called, of the Australian 'arse': the 'r' rounds the word off; metaphorically shaping the word in the same way as an arse gives shape to the body.

A final point: going back a few hundred years, we find the spelling 'Ers' by Chaucer:

But with his mouth, he kiste hir naked ers
Full savorly

And also:

And out his ers he putteth pryvely
Over the buttok, to the haunche-bon;

Hmmm. 'Arse', 'Ass', or 'Ers'. Your thoughts?


nailpolishblues said...

I think American spelling is vulgar. Or maybe just word use. Example 'fanny' - bad enough that anyone would use such a mothballed term and worse that they should get the meaning wrong whilst doing it.

TimT said...

If American spelling is vulgar, that might be the point. This is the nation that gave to the world such cultural icons as Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, for example. Then again, American English can be downright formal in some cases.

The American 'fanny' translates into the Australian English 'arse', does it not?

For this word, in general, I use the spelling 'arse', but there are one or two phrases were 'ass' is more appropriate (bad-ass, for instance).

Anonymous said...

i think you'll find that fucktard is a combination of two emotive terms - 'fuckwit' and 'retard'. this phenomenon is gaining some popularity (eg. 'chillax').

TimT said...

Chillax? Never heard of it. Is it a breed of octopus? Can you eat it?

nailpolishblues said...

Anyone who told me to 'chillax' would get punched in the cunt.

Mark said...

Tim - Arse is a good one, I use it a lot having picked it up from my Aussie and NZ blogger friends. But there's nothing has he punch of the good old American "Kiss MY ASS!"

Fucktards exist, on a blog recently someone got all pushed out of shape about the reference to retard. I blogged about it:

I'm blogrolling you. Got room on your blogroll for me?

BTW - Here's a bit on the word "bint":

Great word, some bint insinuated that I enjoyed the use of the word because it was an offensive term with an Arabic derivation. Since I'm pro-Israel I guess it stands to reason that I'm anti-Arab by default. Some of these people are really just asstards.


TimT said...

I like the Aussie drawl in phrases like "Kiss my bloody ARRRRRRSE!"

On the matter of Bints - you could do worse than consult Bint Magazine.

I'll add you site when I get home from work. You a friend of Red's?

Mark said...

Yeah, I just left Red a comment yesterday!

I was sad to see her have to return to SA. A pox on the US Immigration service! Can't wait to dig into Bint Mag!

Man, I have some posting to do!

rascuache said...

I love arse,
Ass sounds vulgar to my sensitive australian ears.

Although i can see millions of americans rolling the word arse round their mouths quizzically, whereas Aussies and Brits Yell it at the top of their lungs over a pint of lager or a schooner of bitter "Stick it up yer ARSE" and the Aussies and the Brits will make me smile every time.

Arse can be formal or fuck you, it has the adaptability that ass lacks.

TimT said...

Best call I ever heard at a sports game:

"Hey loser! You fell out of a clown's arse!"

Oh, how I laughed. Well, I was young.

Patrick said...


Nuff said.

TimT said...


Email: timhtrain - at -

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