Wednesday, April 04, 2007


I am currently at work trying to do as little of it as possible. This is slightly complicated by the fact that almost no work is coming in for me not to do.

What to do, what to do...

UPDATE! - Thinking about this dilemma in economic terms, I think that what I need to do is basically increase my efficiency in unproductivity. Maybe I could think about ways of maximising my laziness, for instance, extending my ability to do nothing over slightly longer periods, provided I am given an adequate pay incentive, obviously.

I think I'll just have a word to someone about this...

ANOTHER UPDATE! - Work came in. Now my ability to not do the work due to the fact that very little work has come in for me not to do is being hampered by the fact I have too much work to do. I am ashamed to say I have a horrible lack of non-work ethic. It's a dreadful, dreadful paradox.

AN UPDATE UPDATE! - Let's break these results down into a pie chart, shall we? Yes!

What the hell does that mean? Search me. Basically, I have to strive to fail to live up to the work targets that I have met the day before, or something.


Mrs Mean said...

Do you have any tips on how to do a sudoku and read a novel while pretending to be productive? My current mission.

Tips on unproductivity increases:

1) Make lists on how to be more productive, "to do" lists, etc

2) Discuss with colleagues how to be more productive and how sad it is that others are not more productive.

3) Discuss with colleagues how you intend to spend your holidays/do after work when you get off earlier

4) Spend time contemplating effective ways to surreptitiously be unproductive, before actually being unproductive.

5) Blog

Anonymous said...

My only observation would be the catch phrase we used to write fictional officer efficiency reports in the Army in the 1970s: "This officer consistently fails to attain the low standards he sets for himself." Followed, generally, by what was supposed to have been a real excerpt from a British report: "If this officer were a horse, I would not breed him."

TimT said...

Thank you Mrs Mean. The company greatly appreciates (or should that be depreciates?) your contribution to my non-productivity. I may have an item or two to add to that list:

6) Respond to blog comments, in great and thoughtful length.

Anonymous, an excellent witticism from the British military - I hope that officer wasn't married!

Caz said...

Oh dear, I can't believe that you didn't think of the obvious:

- analysing and graphing the low productivity of your co-workers,

- coverting the data into bar charts,

- adding automated data update capability,

- additional assessment criteria, as they come to mind (which, given your lack of productivity should not occur often),

- and providing a graphic executive summary in 3-D.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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