Saturday, April 07, 2007

Warning: Clowns Ahead

(I got this picture from Tim Blair, who got it from The Age, and I don't know what they were doing with it. I couldn't help myself, it had just so many possibilities in it. Feel free to suggest your own captions and stories to go with the picture in comments.)

Canberra, Saturday.
In a shocking demonstration of psychic forces, Peter Costello’s cabinet-induced hallucations of grandeur physically manifested themselves on the steps of Parliament House this morning as several Demonic Clown Entities. Soon the Clown Entities had moved on key members of cabinet, ripping their faces from their bodies. John Howard was the first to perish, closely followed by Tony Abbott and Bronwyn Bishop. Phillip Ruddock and Costello himself were unaccountably spared, perhaps because the clowns were unable to tell whether they were humans or fellow clowns.

A spokesman for the Clown Entities, Beelzebub, or "Mr Bobo for short" was interviewed by our reporters in a press conference at noon, performing his interview entirely in mime.
"We are seeing the coming of a new age," said the spokesman. "An age of equality for Clowns of all races, nations, and creeds; an age when the Anti-Clown legislation of previous generations will be ripped up."
"You will bow before your new Clown Masters" he continued. "Or you will be destroyed." (Although there was some confusion as to his message at first - reporters mistook the word 'destroyed' for 'asteroid', for instance - they got it across in the end.)

The new Demonic Clown Entity cabinet plans to institute a comprehensive, nation-wide reform plan, including Clown Education for Everyone, funding of a cross-country Mime scheme, and free face paint and juggling lessons for all.

All who refuse to comply will get squirted in the face with water, or banged over the head with a gigantic rubber hammer by the new 'Clown' police.

Are you in favour of the Demonic Clown Entities? Respond in our exclusive reader-only poll!

Are You In Favour of The Demonic Clown Entities?
Yes! I, for one, welcome our new clown overlords!
Certainly not. I would like the clowns to descend on me in rabid hordes and rip my face off.
Unsure. Please take me instantly to the nearest clown re-education facility...
Free polls from
UPDATE! - A surprising amount of people have nominated 'Clown Re-education' as their preferred choice. Sure, it's better than having them rip your face off, but apparently what they do is squirt you in the face for twenty-two hours every day, which gets pretty annoying. Honestly, you lot perplex me at times...


Legal Eagle said...

Peter Costello: "It just started as a small lump on my shoulder, and before I knew it..."

TimT said...

Hahahahahaha, that's brilliant - I just laughed out loud! Reminds me of that David Cronenberg film 'The Brood'!

TimT said...

CAPTION: Costello holds diplomatic talks with Demonic Clown Mime Nation, announces new trade agreement.

INSIDE: Bob Brown protests trade deal.

ALSO: Kenneth Davidson: I may be an old clown, but I don't support all these pesky trade deals with the Clown Mime Nation.

Legal Eagle said...

Ha ha ha! My husband enjoyed your post too.

I agree, Tim Blair's site could benefit by more posts featuring photos like this...

Caz said...

You've never noticed the "Clowns are Evil" link on my blog, have you Timmy?

TimT said...

I have indeed, though I don't think I've ever followed it up.

Charles Murton said...

For Chrissake Tim, when I was at uni I was a leftie too. But it's time to GROW UP!

Tim = Tim Costello; not the owner of this web log.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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