GUIDE FOR WOMEN WHO ARE ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH TO A DEMONIC ENTITY
CONGRATULATIONS! You have been selected by the devil/Prince of Evil/Beelzebub/Powers-That-Be to carry in your womb an earthly manifestation of the supernatural realms! Please take some time to read this little pamphlet to help you understand the trying times ahead.
YOU MAY EXPERIENCE
Nauseau, morning sickness, cramps, vomiting, headaches, back-aches, hunger, tiredness, dizzyness, bleeding, hallucinations, hysteria, random thunderstorms, the occasional volcanic eruption, day dreams, nightmares, mad priests, manic depression, attacks by screaming Papists, social alienation, heightened magical powers, unexpected manifestations of Mepistopheles, Patrick Troughton, and itchiness. Don't worry! It's what every nurturer goes through! It's all part of the normal supernatural experience.
Giving your child a name like Damien, because that kid is really annoying
Being called Rosemary
Calling your child Adrian
Calling your child Regan Teresa Macneil
ESPECIALLY try not to avoid giving birth to any or every of the following entities:
The Horsemen of the Apocalypse (how would you fit all those horses in your womb?)
Hannibal (this guy's not strictly a demonic entity, but you still don't want to give birth to him)
Patrick Troughton (not actually a demon, but you don't want to give birth to him all the same. I mean, come on! He's 87 years old and dead!)
In the years to come, no matter how eccentric your child might seem, or how many countries he or she might take over/destroy, or how many dragons or weird shit they might hang out with, cherish them and take care of them so that they will be able to grow into their full potential for evil. They will thank you for it! (Well, they probably won't thank you for it so much as blow up the world or something, but same difference).
UPDATE! - Happy Black Friday, everyone!
*This rule doesn't just apply to expectant-mothers-of-demons, it applies to people in all walks of life. Yes, even you.
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