HORRIFIED diners watched in shock as a maniac sliced off his manhood in a crowded pizza restaurant.Well, that's just typical, isn't it? Small business owners are just trying to make a going concern of their little restaurant, and some political agitator has to ruin it by indulging in some self-amputation as a performance art. And who pays for it all? The taxpayer, that's who! I don't know about you, but it's pretty bloody obvious to me that this is just symptomatic of the decline of education in modern times.
The 35-year-old Pole burst into the Zizzi eaterie in central London and grabbed a knife from the kitchen.
He then leapt on a table and dropped his trousers as customers fled screaming.
A witness said: “There was blood everywhere. Everyone ran out of the place.”
Surgeons battling to save the severed willy tried to sew it back on in the first UK op of its kind.
Quick-thinking cops recovered the organ from the restaurant floor after subduing its crazed owner with CS gas.
Not that I have any objections to people chopping off their dick in private. Obviously this is a delicate personal matter and can only be settled by thoughtful personal deliberation and/or discussion with an understanding partner. Just don't expect them to come running to me for help when they make a mistake!
UPDATE! Have you ever chopped your dick off? What was it like? Would you do it again? Feel free to share your thoughts, feelings and life experiences in comments. Go on, don't be shy.
7 comments:
I could have lived my whole life without hearing of this and been perfectly happy.
publicly chopping off ones willy = a decline in education?????
Maybe it was a cry for sexual reassignment surgery? He wanted to help the surgeons out by doing the initial hard part?
I'm sorry I haven't responded to your comments yet, I've just been cooking. Anzac biscuit, anyone?
I blame television. I'm sure he was watching Urotsukidoji: The Birth of the Overfiend where a character cuts off his own penis so he can graft a demon dick on himself for...some reason. I was too distracted by teenage Japanese school girls getting tentacle raped to understand what was going on in that film.
The only other explanation was that he was trying to be the next John Wayne Bobbit.
p.s. I remember reading a while ago that certain Swedish chainsaws carry the obscure warning: Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals.
p.p.s. Oh yeah. It is ANZAC day isn't it. No wonder there are so many Diggaz with attitude today.
Those Japanese. Always with the tentacle porn.*
*Possible racial stereotype. What would the PC police think?**
**Possibly an octopoid stereotype too. You don't want to hurt the feelings of mutant octopodi, now.
a) hello Tim. Good to see you again.
b) the chopped-off penis story gets worse. The restaurant's name is Zizzi. This is the word the French use to refer to a penis when speaking to a small child or in mixed company.
Hi Aunty Marianne! Yes, it's the icing on the cake, really, isn't it?
Or perhaps a more appropriate metaphor would be the topping on the pizza...
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