HORRIFIED diners watched in shock as a maniac sliced off his manhood in a crowded pizza restaurant.Well, that's just typical, isn't it? Small business owners are just trying to make a going concern of their little restaurant, and some political agitator has to ruin it by indulging in some self-amputation as a performance art. And who pays for it all? The taxpayer, that's who! I don't know about you, but it's pretty bloody obvious to me that this is just symptomatic of the decline of education in modern times.
The 35-year-old Pole burst into the Zizzi eaterie in central London and grabbed a knife from the kitchen.
He then leapt on a table and dropped his trousers as customers fled screaming.
A witness said: “There was blood everywhere. Everyone ran out of the place.”
Surgeons battling to save the severed willy tried to sew it back on in the first UK op of its kind.
Quick-thinking cops recovered the organ from the restaurant floor after subduing its crazed owner with CS gas.
Not that I have any objections to people chopping off their dick in private. Obviously this is a delicate personal matter and can only be settled by thoughtful personal deliberation and/or discussion with an understanding partner. Just don't expect them to come running to me for help when they make a mistake!
UPDATE! Have you ever chopped your dick off? What was it like? Would you do it again? Feel free to share your thoughts, feelings and life experiences in comments. Go on, don't be shy.