Free Existence With Every Second Furniture Purchase. Meaning Of Life Unavailable At This Present Time.

UKEA FURNITURE

For a limited time only, we'll sell you this lounge set, complete with ALL the extras! 2) sets of pillows. 1) Mat for the floor. 1) Matching bloke. With this elegantly-furnished Swedish lounge, your home will be complete, and you can come back from work every evening happy in the knowledge that some guy will be slouching in your lounge.

Comes complete with: - Romantic 1950s-style carpet stains. - One husband/bogan boyfriend with fashionable apprehended violence order. - That Authentic, Lived-in Feeling Don't worry about creating the atmosphere for your place, we create it for you! Our interior designers have gone to great trouble to create a brooding atmosphere of imminent threat, and take you back to a time when the stains were simpler and the domestic violence and suicide rates were through the roof (sometimes literally!) VERY CHEAP!

MODERN FURNITURE for Masochists (and/or Indian fakirs who live in the housing commission flats at Flemington) - Chairs that you don't want to sit down in. - Tables it is impossible to eat from - Walls which fail to hold the roof up. Over-designed so that it not only meets your budget, it exceeds it!

ACCESSORIES - 1) Leaking roof, suitable for outdoors types. (We bring the outdoors indoors!) - 1) Bonus landlord remininding you that your rent is due! Bonus Landlord - Choose from our library of overdue, mortgages, and writs from the taxation office.

BUT HURRY! FOR A LIMITED LIFE-TIME ONLY!