Haemmorhoids
(n) a pain in the arse.
I will but pass them sitting by,
But I shall hate them ' til I die.
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15 comments:
That would make a lovely card.
Dear M.,
You'll never guess! I passed three haeommorhoids today! Having an awful time, wish you were here.
T
Dear M.,
Two more! It hurt like hell. Hope all is going well. Weather is fine. Think it might rain.
Dear M.,
How are things? I passed seven more haemmorhoids today. Counted twice just to make sure. Even took a picture. Will send you a copy once developed!
Twitchily yours,
T
(I think we'll leave this disgusting story as is, as it doesn't seem to have too much potential for dramatic development, does it?)
I was thinking more of:
Congratulation on your new arrival[s]. Hope the baby turns out lovely [oh and, haemmorhoids -
I will but pass them sitting by,
But I shall hate them ' til I die].
Never mind, eh?
The Haemmorrhoidalist's Lament
Oh I dislike having haemmorrhoids,
The way they do protrude.
They're squishy and they're itchy
But scratching is just rude.
It causes me such torment,
The condition of my rectum.
Oh I dislike having haemmorrhoids,
I wish I could correct 'em.
Could someone please leave another comment? I'm feeling a little self-conscious.
I think your poem is wonderful. We could have a start-up haeommorhoid greeting card industry right here.
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the smiting of the Philistines with haeommorhoids incident in the Old Testament yet.
Haemorrhoids and mice, wasn't it? That's quite a combo.
You know you've done something really bad when YHWH smites you with mice.
A new composition by Ms. Blake is indeed a cause for celebration in discerning households everywhere.
Sigh! Vulgarity is an art I just don't seem to be able to master. I truly envy the both of you for the dizzying highs and lows you are able to scale simultaneously.
Ms Blake? Oh, Karen, that's the nicest thing anyone's said all day.
N.B. I note that we've been consistently misspelling "haemorrhoid". It's "haemorrhoid", or "hemorrhoid", but no inventive variation on those.
That's a big, red F for me, then.
I'm off to haemmer a nail into the wall.
And for me, who took haeommorrhoid and ran with it (so to speak).
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