Murdering With a Grin

God, I hate them. You know who they are - I KNOW you know who they are. The people who lurk in office corners, in shady kitchens or by the bathroom, and smile and wave as you go past. Perhaps they'll innocently offer a greeting. 'Hello, Tim.' Or simperingly ask you, 'How are you, Tim?' How can you answer back? Your easiest solution is often to mutter something in pidgin-French and shuffle quickly into the bathroom before they say something else.

They are the true bastards of modern life. They are the People Who Know Your Name And Know You Don't Know Their Name. In fact, just in the past week, from these People Who Know Your Name And Know You Don't Know Their Name, I have received:

- Five greetings from the People Who Know Your Name And Know You Don't Know Their Name.

- Four hand waves with evil intent from the People Who Know Your Name And Know You Don't Know Their Name.

- Innumerable malicious looks, thinly disguised as cheery grins from the People Who Know Your Name And Know You Don't Know Their Name.

But why? Why do People Who Know Your Name And Know You Don't Know Their Name do this to you? Why, to put it bluntly, do the People Who Know Your Name And Know You Don't Know Their Name, act as if You Knew Their Name And You Are In Fact Very Good Friends With Them? Is it simply an assertion of their superiority over you? I suspect not: I suspect that People Who Know Your Name And Know You Don't Know Their Name are simply expressing their natural, misanthropic tendencies (everyone has them, after all) by going out of their way to piss off as many people in the office as possible: they are murdering with a grin.

And if you're in a misanthropic mood (and you probably are), you might like to try it yourself. Go up to a random person in the street, grin nefariously and wave with malicious intent, and leave them there - wondering who the bloody hell you are.

Pissing people off is one of the simplest pleasures a misanthrope has. And let's face it; people probably deserve it.