My Mum taught me a lot of things that would prove invaluable to me in later life, like, for instance, not to pick my nose while the Queen was on the telly; and that putting underpants on my head was not generally considered de rigeur at school, no matter how jolly I found it at home. Another thing she taught me was how to match my food on my plate, and eat a balanced diet while not putting weird food ingredients together.
I've come to the conclusion that there are a hell of a lot of diners in the world who could do with Mum's help. Like, for instance, those benighted diners who are hunching down, even now, to a meal of Chicken Parmagiana:
Here we have a positively devilish meal, composed out of several innocuous, if not charming ingredients: tomato sauce, chicken schnitzel, cheese, and spaghetti. (It tastes even worse with chips, if that's possible). I have nothing but admiration for these ingredients on their own; I have, indeed, spent many a happy hour with strands of spaghetti or chicken schnitzel. But these ingredients have no place in such an ignoble dish; they simply were not meant to go together.
This is a bacon-and-cheese croissant. You could hardly call this an adventurous meal; it is sold in diners and cafes and restaraunts from one side of this country to the other. But I am adamant in my belief that savoury ingredients have no place in what is, in fact, one of the most delicious sweet deserts on the face of this planet. Sacre Bleu, they bring shame to the name of Croissant!
This little meal is called a trifle. It certainly is trivial, though when we survey the ingredients of this particular trifle (and they vary), other words leap to mind. 'Technicolour yawn', for instance; 'disgusting'; or 'horrendous'. This begs the question, why did the chefs originally feel the urge to take a simple, delicious desert meal (fruit), and lavish upon it layer after layer of increasingly saccharine substances, draining out any instance of the original taste?
They were probably the same people to introduce the concept of 'banana porridge' to the world. Shun these culinary cretins, my blog-readers! Shun them and all their works!
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2017 (36)
- ► 2016 (71)
- ► 2015 (106)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- AFL Grand Final
- I'll Give You Tattoos!
- A Brief Post About Figures of Speech
- Murdering With a Grin
- Egg-Nogging and Blogging: A Matter of Grave Concer...
- Quite, Unquite
- One Sunday Morning, There Was a Beatnik In My Awni...
- Breaking News: Laughing Man Laughs
- A Style in the While of S J Perelman
- Thoughts on Fossils From One Who May Someday Be a ...
- Congratulations, It's An Appendix
- Quote of the Day
- Law for the Lawless
- Nobel Prize in Chemistry and Physics Won By Andy's...
- In This Workplace, We Obey The Law of Gravity
- Another Cosmopolitan Experience in This Multicultu...
- A Defence of Doctor Who
- La Femme, La Gun, La Petit Kitten
- Cometh the Hour, Cometh the Duck
- Apropros of Nothing ...
- The Platonic Couch Meets Reality
- Lost in Thailand ...
- Fair and Balanced
- What I'm Reading
- Important News!
- Some Of The Lesser Known Sequels To Mein Kampf
- Important Announcement!
- What Does Google Know About Shakespeare?
- A Political Dilemma
- The Meme Scheme
- I Feel Like Radioactive Chicken Tonight
- Jolly Penguin Jape
- Vengeance of the Scaly Ones
- What's The Going Price on Sackcloth and Ashes?
- Meals Which Should Not Have Been Invented
- A Number of Television Shows Could Be Improved By ...
- The Age Melbourne Festivals
- Appointment, The Opposite Of
- How To Understand The Melbourne Writers' Festival
- So, Since It's Getting Late on a Saturday Night .....
- Amazing Jowl Man
- Blog News Presented As Tongue Twisters
- ▼ September (42)
- ► 2005 (287)