Nobel Prize in Chemistry and Physics Won By Andy's Mum

We have a winner

The world's most prestigious scientific prize, the Nobel Prize for Physical and Chemical Research, has this year been won by Andy's Mum.
The prize was granted to Andy's Mum for her groundbreaking research paper on the gases Neon, Helium, and Argon, 'They're Not Inert, They're Just Lazy', and the follow up paper 'Nobel Gases? Ha! They haven't even done their homework!' Both papers were published in Nature magazine.

Andy's Mum.

About Andy's Mum

Working out of a small laboratory at the back of her house for years, Andy's Mum achieved dramatic results in the areas of quantum physics, classification of the elements, properties of lanthanides and actinides, and chemical valencies. She applied her patented techniques of 'Brush', 'broom', 'wooden spoon' and 'rolling pin' to the elements, with dramatic results!
Over the years, she has released a number of landmark papers, including 'Those Actinides Are Just BULLIES!', 'Argon needs a good clip around the ear!' and 'Titanium is a Good Little Element On It's Own, Really!'.

Amid growing international attention, A ndy's Mum created a new compound out of the elements Einsteinum and Plutonium, explaining afterwards that 'she thought they looked so NICE together!' She also developed a practicable form of nuclear fission by threatening several atoms with a wooden spoon.
Explaining her methodology later, she said, 'You have to be cruel to be kind', before going on to elaborate her complex theories about chemical valencies and the half-life of various isotopes.

Honoured

In her speech, Andy's Mum said she was 'honoured to accept the Nobel prize'.
Afterwards she whipped up all of the audience a nice meal of hot chocolate (infused with plutonium) and banana-flavoured yellowcake.

On The Home Front

Andy's Dad had this to say about the achievements of his wife: "We're so proud of her. Now, are you going to stay for a cup of tea, and if so, would you please take your shoes off while you're in the house?"
Andy is reportedly 'happy' that his Mum has won the Nobel prize.