Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Platonic Couch Meets Reality Unabridged (v 1.0.1) - Cite This Source couch [kouch or, for 6, 14, kooch] Pronunciation Key

1. a piece of furniture for seating from two to four people, typically in the form of a bench with a back, sometimes having an armrest at one or each end, and partly or wholly upholstered and often fitted with springs, tailored cushions, skirts, etc.; sofa.
2. a similar article of furniture, with a headrest at one end, on which some patients of psychiatrists or psychoanalysts lie while undergoing treatment.
3. a bed or other place of rest; a lounge; any place used for repose.
4. the lair of a wild beast.

The Platonic Couch

Long enough so that a person at full stretch may fit upon it, not so long that there are centimetres between their feet and the edge of the couch.

Is not coloured white.

Is constructed parallel to the ground, so that a person neither slides off nor slides in to the couch while enjoying it.

Is whole in and of itself.

Has pillows.

Never attracts crumbs or dust and therefore never has to be cleaned.

Is charitable: never eats coins.

The Real Couch

Short enough so that a person will have their feet dangle over the edge.

Is often white.

Contains dangerous angles that threaten to unceremoniously dump the person into odd corners of the room - or even swallow them whole.

Often combines with ungainly 'fold out beds' that may suddenly and viciously attack those enjoying its spaciousness by either snapping out or collapsing in on itself, like a black hole.

Does not have pillows; or, if it does, they are pillows of the crocheted and embroidered kind that can not be lain on.

Attracts so many crumbs that it becomes more like a biological enclave of dust mites than a couch.

Exacts a toll: eats coins.


Helen said...

Yes, but then you get the coins back when you least expect them.

TimT said...

When I first moved to Melbourne, I lived for a little while at a backpackers. One of my roommates was a chronic gambler, and he'd accrue so much loose change over the space of a few nights, that eventually they spread everywhere. One of the benefits, he said, was that he was never short of loose change. Well, that was true, but he never really used that change for anything other than, um, gambling. Good bloke, but an absolute idiot.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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