Monday, February 25, 2019

In the spirit of our advanced and progressive modern age, here are some new swear words

Saw a meme the other day saying there sometimes weren't enough swear words to express how you really felt. Well, I thought, that's easily fixed.


Fumshuck it! 

Absolute twunk! 

Flump-membered snithead! 


You damp pair of underpangles! 



Floop them! 


Shugger you! 





Fludging fludger! 

If you know what they mean - good heavens, please don't explain them to me!

UPDATE: Hey, if you want an excuse to use these new swear words now - or some of your own - why not buy this elegant publication and swear at the badly-placed apostrophes or errors of syntax?

Friday, February 15, 2019

A Contentious Issue Discussed by Two Apathetic People

(Incredibly timely humour from me, as you can see...)

Hello, and welcome to another episode of A Contentious Issue Discussed by Two Apathetic People. In today's episode, that Gillette ad. On the one hand, all men are rapists, but on the other hand, this ad is basically going to save civilisation. Let's welcome our two experts! Expert A, are all men rapists? 

EXPERT A: No really fussed about that issue, mate.

So you're not taking it personally. But if the critics of this ad are to be believed, it basically says you are personally to blame and you should go out and shoot yourself as of last week. 

EXPERT A: Yeah, still not bothered.

Whoa. Okay. Expert B, you're just a crazy feminazi, aren't you? Isn't it a little hurtful to be stigmatising all men in this way? 

EXPERT B: Oh man,. don't ask me about it. I haven't even been following this story. Hey, I don't even have a TV!

Wow. A strong refutation, Expert A. Any response? Can you even begin to defend yourself against that, you sexist racist patriarchist heteronormative bastard piece of shit? 

(EXPERT A has gone off in an unfussed manner to make a cup of tea).

Okay, Expert A appears to have gone off in an unfussed manner to make a cup of tea. Expert B, any concluding remarks? 

EXPERT B: I mean., how did you even find me, man? Hey, maybe you should speak to my nan, she gets the paper, like, all the time, I mean, it's just to keep up with the racing results, but still...

More good points. Thanks for your time, Experts. It seems these issues remain unresolved. Join us tomorrow, when we see if they even give a shit about nuclear war. 
Email: timhtrain - at -

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