kidattypewriter

Wednesday, May 05, 2021

The sayings of the vegans

(I have almost decoded their strange language.) 


I ain't got no Veef with him.
He really thinks he's the big Sheese, but I ain't got no Veef with him. 
After all, someone's got to bring home the fakon in this family,
And I know which side my bread is I Can't Believe It's Not Buttered on, 
And I may be Quorn to be wild, 
But I can't just quit cold Tofurkey like that, can I? 
So 
I ain't got no Veef with him. 

Saturday, May 01, 2021

Suburban visions and bus wisdom

 Saw two or three things today that made me doubt objective reality, in a modest boring suburban middle aged kind of way. 

The first happened a few blocks down from our house; on a plot of land that used to contain a nice old yellow weatherboard house with a back garden. Over the past few years the Baron and I had seen, with dismay, how this house was knocked down, the land razed, and a flimsy looking structure of boards and glass and what have you erected in its stead. Two or three months ago, these massive doors were finally installed in the front of the houses, and they were installed so badly that the handles on the left-hand side of the doors did not match with the handles on the right-hand side of doors. It really was - is - the most unconvincing piece of architecture I've ever seen. House? Art? Economic investment? I'm not sure it knows itself what it wants to be. 

Well, this morning, as I walked with Elspeth to the train station, I noticed - scowling into the sunlight (which has no business being so bright this time of year) a young heavily pregnant woman in grey singlet and suburban-mum tracky-dacks, and a toddler. 

Odd sort of vision to be having before lunch, I thought, and went on my way.

The second happened later that morning, at the market, where I happened upon a potato vendor looking rather potatoid himself. Brown coat, and a gnarled, knobbly face, as if he'd only recently been drawn up from out of the earth. Is it possible for potatoes to be able to walk and talk like that? 

Not sure what any of this means, really, but I thought I'd impart it all to you. I'll leave you with the two messages imparted to me this afternoon, by the digital screen on the bus. 

The first message reads: 

PLEASE REMEMBER TO VALID 

Not to be outdone, the second follows: 

ER TO VALIDATE YOUR MYKI. 

I think we can all get something from those two pieces of wisdom. 

Sunday, April 18, 2021

Proverbs for cloud lovers

Don't mean to pour a cold shower on your cold shower. 

But bright days are looming on the horizon. 

Sun, sun, go away
Come again some other day. 

After all, life isn't all spring showers and dark clouds. 

But even in the clearest days, you have to remember, the rain is raining somewhere. 

And autumn and winter will come again. 

There'll be grey skies over
The white cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow
Just you wait and see.

And above all, remember - there's a dark cloud behind every silver lining. 


Friday, March 12, 2021

Willy Yeats I aint

A poem for my daughter

 Now you are adorable 
And I am old and snorable 
But if I were Peter Dutton, that 
Would be much more deplorable. 

Sunday, February 14, 2021

Updowns

What do they get up to in Downtown? 

What's going on down in Uptown? 

Downtown is downtown from Uptown, and Uptown is uptown from downtown. That much is clear. 

But is Downtown on the up? 

Is there an Uptown turn down or downturn? 

Do folks in Uptown buy Downtown in downturns, and upturn Downtown downturns? 

Does Downtown upturn when Uptown downturns? 

Does Uptown turn down Downtown in Downtown downturns, and does Downtown turn up for Uptown in Uptown downturns? 

I don't know. I don't know. But if you've got the down low, hit me up. 

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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