Tuesday, August 17, 2021

How to take care of yourself with a big cheering cup of non-sequitur

 We'll be in lockdown forever, but cats are nice! 

The new COVID variant that turns us all into blood sucking vampires poses a significant risk to health and safety, but daffodils are in season! 

The sudden appearance of angelic armies in the skies would seem to indicate the Day of Judgement is at hand, but I have a box of Roses Chocolates, and I saved your favourites!

The bathroom is dirty and will have to be cleaned, but here is a picture of a puppy! 

Fig 1: a cat being nice

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

WTFF News (Deutsche Auflage) - Australischer Ampelmann will cool sein, wie deutscher Ampelmann

 Er spricht, und er spricht Deutsch - und er ist ganz wütend. Wir haben den australischen Ampelmann in einer kleinen Bar getroffen, und er hat sich so viel über seinen deutschen Kollege beschworen. Er hat für sich selbst nur einem kleinen Wünsch - zu cool sein, wie der deutscher Ampelmann. 

"Für so lange Jahre habe ich diese Stadt reichlich bedient, and welcher Preis habe ich erworben? Nichts und nirgends!" sagt er. "Niemand denkt das ich so cool wie der deutsche Ampelmann sein. Und wofür? Weil er einen hübschen Hut trägt? Oh, das ist was zu klatschen! He, manchmal habe ich Grün für einen Kanguru oder Koala geworden. Aber wahrscheinlich das ist nicht so wichtig, ha? Pfui!"

Er nimmt einen riesigen Schluck seinem Bier, und stimmt bitterlich an: "Die einzelne Zeit, die einfach einzelne Zeit, dass Leute mir Acht geben haben, war wenn sie die Straße übergehen wollen. Oh, plötzlich bin ich ihr wichtig, he? Sie wollen nicht umgefahren sein? Arschlocher!"

"Doch", erklärt er, "ich möchte nicht berühmt sein, wie der andere Ampelmann. Das ist mir ganz egal. Aber was  beneidet mir am meisten, was frisst mir die Eingeweide aus, ist das die Leute ihm krass finden. Er ist chic! Ein totaler Supermodel! Das finde ich blödsinnig!"

"Es ist mir ganz geheimnisvoll, was es mit ihm ist, dass ihr anzieht", beendet er. "Ihr seid alle sehr rätselhaft. Ich weiß nicht. Ich gebe es auf."

 Er... danke, australischer Ampelmann! 

Friday, August 06, 2021


BIFF: We're coming back to you now, in the third quarter of the COVID Cup, and Rugger, I know Victoria are the crowd favourites here, but I just don't think they can come back to win the cup. 

RUGGER: I think you're right, Biff, but then, COVID is a game of ups and downs, and you just don't know what's next around the corner, if you get my drift. 

BIFF: Let's look at the stats for these two teams, Rugger. 

RUGGER: Pulling up the table now.... as you can see, Biff, Victoria's performance on the spreadsheet last year was just off the charts, they notched up a whopping total of lockdown runs on the scoreboard, and no other team was able to knock them off their perch. 

BIFF: No, although NSW did try to close the gap, including that memorable late northern beaches lockdown in December. But... 

(Siren blares)

RUGGER: It's on, Biff!

BIFF: It's on!

RUGGER: It's going orrrrrff! 

BIFF: You can just hear the Victorian crowd, they're practically raising the roof, they haven't lost their enthusiasm at all! 

RUGGER: That's their man, Big Dan Andrews, they love that boy! 

BIFF: He just keeps on lockin' 'em down, Rugger - before the break, he scored them a precious Fifth Lockdown, keeping their hopes up. 

RUGGER: One hundred and ten per cent, Biff. 

BIFF: It kept the Victorian crowd happy, but it's just not going to be enough... that NSW lockdown score is just too much. 

RUGGER: One hundred and ten per cent, Biff, they're behind their man one hundred and ten per cent! They're getting on the Dan train and reaching for the sky! 

BIFF: He's lining up for another lockdown, Rugger! 

RUGGER: He's got them to this place, Biff, they just need to position themselves in the right spot so they can get just that little bit further, and.... 

BIFF: OOOOOOOH! Their SIXTH lockdown! That's four so far this year! 

RUGGER: Victoria is still in the running, Biff! 

(Crowd cheering)

RUGGER: They're still in the running.... they're not letting go of the bat for one minute! 

BIFF: Rugger! 

RUGGER: It's checkmate, Biff, but that's not the end of the story! 

BIFF: Absolutely, Rugger, absolutely! 

Sunday, August 01, 2021

On not being in denial

Apparently, society is 'in denial of death'. We get told this so often, and with such frequency - that we are in 'denial of death', and that we never talk about dying, and that why aren't we talking about dying in morbid detail right now, or if not now, two seconds ago - that one starts to suspect the motives, and indeed the veracity of the speaker. Are we really 'in denial of death'? Or are the people telling us that we are 'in denial of death' themselves in denial of our not being in denial of death? 

Then there are the people who do more than this, who not only say that 'we are in denial of death', but who will open their conversational gambit, in the manner of a flatmate drawing attention to one's cleaning roster, by saying 'we need to talk about death'. (And if there's one thing I'm in denial about, it's the cleaning roster - any cleaning roster, really.) Really? We need to talk about? Right here over the dinner table? Just when I was about to bring out the steamed sheep's brains?*

Perhaps all these professional gloom-mongers and harshers of the collective societal mellow are themselves afflicted by a want, or perhaps more a wistfulness - a wistfulness for a world in which you can announce 'society is in denial of death' and be instantly feted with applause and veneration for their profound insight - rather than the actual world, where all such an announcement does is cause another social death, the death of any wish of people to be around you whatsoever. For it's quite one thing to talk about death and dying - in fact, a topic of some conversational fascination (you can barely open a book or watch a film without some character dying of some extremely hideous and therefore extremely interesting cause). But it's quite another to talk, seemingly endlessly, about how we don't talk about death and dying, and thus never get around to talking about the actual thing. 

It is, I suppose, a victory of the theoretical over the practical. Why talk about the real thing when you haven't actually done it yourself? And once you do, you can't actually talk about it, either. Bit of a problem. 

It's probably what Sartre meant: Hell is other people.... going around, talking about how we are in denial of death and dying, for eternity. 

*My wife's a vegetarian. I wouldn't really do that.**

**Unless you start saying 'our society is in denial about....'
Email: timhtrain - at -

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