A poem for my daughter
Will Type For Food
Friday, March 12, 2021
Sunday, February 14, 2021
What do they get up to in Downtown?
What's going on down in Uptown?
Downtown is downtown from Uptown, and Uptown is uptown from downtown. That much is clear.
But is Downtown on the up?
Is there an Uptown turn down or downturn?
Do folks in Uptown buy Downtown in downturns, and upturn Downtown downturns?
Does Downtown upturn when Uptown downturns?
Does Uptown turn down Downtown in Downtown downturns, and does Downtown turn up for Uptown in Uptown downturns?
I don't know. I don't know. But if you've got the down low, hit me up.
Saturday, December 26, 2020
MUSIC: Away in a Manger, played on soft strings. The SCENE is the Garden of Eden. ADAM is making something over a fire, and EVE is setting places round a stone table.
ADAM: Hmmmm... the pudding's going to need some more plum brandy, and as for the custard.... well....
EVE: ...now, the dog's got a place here, but that means I can't put the cat there, but the only other place left is next to the mice and.... hm.... what's got into you?
ADAM: (Irritated) It's nothing, Eve. So, I suppose if we ask the ducks nicely, they might be able to give us some eggs, and.....
EVE: But maybe if I moved the hippopotamus, that would clear up several spaces over there, and.... oh, come on, spit it out. I know you're going to.
ADAM: No, no. I know it's important to you.
EVE: Oh, don't be like that, Adam - talk to me! Remember when you used to talk to me about your problems?
ADAM: (Shoulders slump) Eve, Eve. It's just.... why do we even celebrate Christmas?
EVE: Not this again! Come on, Adam - we have to! It's TRADITION!
ADAM: Of course, of course - and in this diverse, multicultural world we live in, I respect everyone's traditions, I really do. But why this? What does it even mean? The pudding? The presents? The party? This obsession over places and who gets to pull each other's sodding crackers?
EVE: It's tradition, Adam. We've always done it this way. Since...
ADAM: Since that time that everything, the world, the creatures, us, even TIME ITSELF was created, just five and a bit months ago, give or take a day? How did we get to be so nostalgic for bygone eras all of a sudden, eras that we both know have never been?
EVE: A woman knows what a woman knows, Adam. And this woman knows that when we have a tradition, we stick to it.
ADAM: Well - it's not that I don't enjoy having a dinner party. But it just seems that this is the most elaborate dinner party yet - and we spend so much time fussing over who we sit the serpent next to, when we know that he'll probably either try to eat them, or....
EVE: (Sharply) He's YOUR friend, Adam, and don't you forget it!
ADAM: Yes, but - do you see what I mean, love? I'm not even sure who we're going to cook.
EVE: The turkey - he said he's happy to do it.
ADAM: Are you sure? That's what the unicorn said for our last dinner party, and I don't think I've even *seen* another one since.
EVE: Well, she was particularly delicious.
ADAM: Oh my, yes. And, look, I understand love, really, I do, but.... (quietens) I do feel a bit funny about eating our friends like this. What if we tried vegetarian?
EVE: Well, you know I don't mind that when it's just the two of us. But try telling that to the lion! He's strictly a meat man. And the leopard and the wolf are even more strict, somehow! Remember that time we had the leopard over for dinner?
ADAM: Oh, I know. "How would you like your steak", I said. "Roar", they said. "You mean rare?" I said. Well, she got so angry she almost ate me! I couldn't even talk her up to medium roar, whatever that is!
EVE; Anyway. It's an opportunity to get all the family together again. And we haven't seen the LORD for ages.
ADAM: (Sighs with satisfaction) Yeah, he's awesome. And always so nice about it all.
EVE: Always the same: he wants us to choose. Isn't that thoughtful?
(Both sigh contentedly)
ADAM: All right, Eve. Have it your way. It is nice to have a big traditional family get together. I'll put the pudding on soon. And you know what the Serpent said to me the other day?
ADAM: "Adam, ol' mate", he says, "Have I ever told you about this amazing new diet they've just invented?"
EVE: Who's "they"?
ADAM: That's what I was wondering all this time! Anyway, he says, "Adam", he says, "It's called fructovorianism, and"....
Friday, December 25, 2020
Sunday, November 29, 2020
"If you could plant a garden entirely out of weeds," I asked the Baron, "What would they be?"
"What is a weed?" asked the Baron. She's good at answering questions with questions like that.
Anyway, notwithstanding her epistemologising my epistemologising (epistomology is an ancient word on this blog for 'what you you know about what you know', which in my case is not much) I went on with my little project*. There would be -
- Blackberries (AKA the most awesome berry ever) to line the fence;
- Wild roses along the path;
- Apple trees providing shade (yes, these have been classified as a weed);
- Flowerbeds of dandelion and capeweed, Patterson's Curse, oxalis, and clover;
- instead of a front lawn, a field of tall Queen Anne's Lace (with some Hemlock mixed in just to keep potential thieves on their toes);
- And a pleasant nature strip consisting entirely of mushrooms and slime moulds. Okay, I'm not sure if they're technically weeds but we need more slime mould gardens, don't you think? Thanks. I love it when you rhetorically agree with me like that.
*similar in many respects to my other ongoing dream project, constructing a zoo peopled entirely out of domestic animals.
Tuesday, September 22, 2020
Town tearing itself apart
It started as an innocent hippy colony, a getaway from the big city - now it seems that the once-idyllic life of small town Spoonville could be ripped apart by warring gangs, drug taking, crime, cult leaders, and spatulas run amok.
How could it have come to this for the previously friendly village of Spoonville? Part of the answer lies with the shady history of the charismatic leaders who first set out to form this spoon colony. One of them was the famous "Mr Big", so named because he was a Big Spoon. Mr Big lead a sizeable contingent of his fellow spoons to settle in Spoonville in the early days. But what did his followers really know about his past? "He said he was just an ordinary spoon, who used to stir cakes," says one former member of the now notorious CHURCH OF MR BIG SPOON. "But he was really being used to stir the pot."
Divergent sects of the once tolerant Spoonville community soon emerged. Some were strict cutlery drawer separatists, insisting that forks and even ladles be kept out. Others insisted there was nothing special about spoons, and anyhow, they'd prefer the company of a salad fork to some of their fellow spoons. Simmering tensions soon flared to outright hostility when a family of sporks moved in - the Spoon Separatist Movement felt it was an attempt by the forks to infiltrate their town.
Wednesday, July 29, 2020
Sunday, June 28, 2020
Brave Hippolyta fought a statue,
Brave Hippolyta joined the fray,
In her eyes a righteous fire,
In her hands a can of spray,
Bravely fought a large stone object,
And then she bravely ran away.
Brave, brave, brave Hippolyta,
Brave Hippolyta ran away.
Thursday, May 21, 2020
Death's dark wages!
Death's dark wages!
One! Two! Three! Four!
What are we all fighting for?
Five! Six! Seven! Eight!
Satan's power to subjugate!
Hey hey! Ho ho!
Lewd wassailing's got to go!
Hey hey! Ho ho!
Lewd wassailing's got to go!
Thursday, May 14, 2020
COSTELLO: (Shouting) Hey, Abbott!
ABBOTT: (Does a sudden startle, almost causing the whole row of paper lanterns to collapse) Do you gotta make me jump like that, Lou? It's taken me ages to make this house look nice, and you bust in here and the whole place is gonna collapse!
COSTELLO: I'm sorry, Bud, I'm sorry.... it's just chaos out there! Absolute chaos!
ABBOTT: What, people are breaching the quarantine conditions already? Don't they know they could catch this new flu?
COSTELLO: No! Worse! Nobody out there at all! I could hardly find my way home! I.... I don't think I'm ready to go on my own to the candy store, Bud! I get lost without my mama!
ABBOTT: All right, all right, that's fine, just help me up with these, would you?
COSTELLO: Hey, sure.... (climbs up step ladder beside ABBOTT and begins helping him hang the lanterns up) Say.... why do we got to hang these things up, anyway?
ABBOTT: Why? Why, we're celebrating, Lou!
COSTELLO: Cele.... celery.... celerious.... cerebellum.... Sybil Shep..... what?
ABBOTT: Celebrate, have a party, you know?
COSTELLO: Oh, a party! Why?
ABBOTT: My COVID test results came back, Lou! I'm negative.
COSTELLO: WHAT? Are you positive?
ABBOTT: No, I'm negative.
COSTELLO: You're absolutely positive about that?
ABBOTT: Yeah yeah, I'm absolutely positive that I'm negative!
COSTELLO: What? You're positive or you're negative?
ABBOTT: I'm negative!
COSTELLO: Yeah yeah Bud, you're always very negative.
ABBOTT: Say, now you're getting it!
COSTELLO: Getting it? I'm not getting it! No way am I getting it! No sirree Bob, you stay away from me if you've got it!
ABBOTT: Well, I don't! I'm negative!
COSTELLO: Yeah yeah, that's what I always tells ya, you're so negative, don't do this Lou, don't do that, you don't let me do anything!
ABBOTT: What, are you some kind of.... (hits COSTELLO round the head).... I'm negative. For COVID.
COSTELLO: I KNOW you're negative, Bud, but you gotta tell me, or I won't understand.... does ya got it or does ya not got it?
ABBOTT: I DON'T GOT IT, LOU!
COSTELLO: All right, all right, no need to shout in my face! (They continue hanging up the lanterns) Say, ah, Bud, I forgot to tell you, while I was out I went to see the doctor too. He gave me this letter. (Takes out of his pocket) Your test results for Corona have returned, and we regret to inform you that you have tested positive. (Beams) See? Isn't that right? I always told you I was a positive person!
ABBOTT: (Jumps, falls of ladder) (Looks at COSTELLO aghast)
COSTELLO: Say, why are you looking at me like that, Bud?
ABBOTT: Oh, that's just the absolute limit! Now you've got it, I've definitely got it too!
COSTELLO: That's it, Bud, that's the way to be positive!
ABBOTT: Come here! (Pulls COSTELLO off ladder, who grabs line of paper lanterns to help him stay up, somehow manages to pull down the ceiling with the lanterns)
COSTELLO: (Wailing, as ABBOTT beats him about the head, and the ceiling continues to fall about them) What did I do, Bud, what did I do!
Sunday, May 10, 2020
*With a light lemon zest.
Thursday, April 09, 2020
An announcement: this year, due to long-service leave, the Easter Bunny will be replaced by Frank The Evil Bunny From Donnie Darko
Tuesday, April 07, 2020
- Isostation: the place you choose to be isolated.
- Isocation: attempting to treat your isolation as a holiday.
- Isostration: increasing frustration at being caught up in isolation.
- Isoccasion: attempting to distract yourself from the isostration at your isostation by having a big fancy event. At home. By yourself. Geeze, man, at least put on some fancier underpants!
- Isosperation: HOW LONG WILL THIS GO ON FOR?
- Isoblation: giving in and oblating yourself to the household Gods you discover while in isolation.
You're going on my toilet roll of honour!
Let's join together in staying apart!
That's so wonderful, I could kiss you - in full HAZMAT gear.
Remember, a bird flu in the hand is worth two in the bush!
I'll have my people speak to your people. Over Zoom. In full body condoms.
Why don't you come over to my place sometime when I'm out and never coming home?
Two's company, three's FUCKING ILLEGAL.
How nice to see your good self.... isolating.
There's a couple of kangaroos loose in your top paddock, and they're breaching all social gathering protocols, WTF, I'm calling the cops now.
Taking a trip to the Great Indoors!
It's been taken out of my hands. With frequent use of an approved soap-based sanitiser.
Girl, this is the night when two become one - while maintaining a 1.5 metres social distance between ourselves at all times.
That's straight from the bat, into the pangolin!
Saturday, April 04, 2020
There will be a dead poetry reading on Tuesday night in the rubble of the old theatre. Whether you’re a corpse, a few shreds of bone, or still in the act of decomposing, this reading is for you! The night will be deadstreamed at time of performance to the whole graveyard, for anyone, who, for reasons of nescience, putrescence, or just general decay, are unable to attend. But, after all, if you haven’t been to a dead reading, have you truly died at all?
PLUS: Prizes for any reader brave enough to die on stage for the first time!
Tuesday, February 25, 2020
What strange places they were! Often built on money from the time of the Hawke or Keating governments, their architecture was completely out of place with the rest of the town. And they were absolutely nothing like the more homely arts and crafts centres in such towns, where you might go to a local art fair and see paintings of trees, or buy a few bottles of jam, or pass by some plates which look like they wouldn't be out of place in Dame Edna's crockery collection, or cartoons from a local artist, or to see furniture made out of odd bits of lacquered-up redgum. Walking into a country art gallery was an entirely different experience; instead of that cosy clutter you got a bizarre minimalism: a sparse white wall with a tiny abstract work in the middle. A huge room with an installation or a projection at one end and a seat in the middle. Not a seat you'd want to sit in, with a back or anything like that - why don't art gallery seats ever have backs? Just this black leather affair. Who decided this was the look to have in a country town, where the aesthetic is mostly chintz and crockery that rattles and doilies everywhere*?
And there'd be art gallery attendants who seem to come with the art gallery. (They must have! They'd look out of place if they ever ventured out into the town). One often got the impression they were installed in place with the art gallery. They'd sit around behind desks looking all wispy and important and listen to, well, pieces by Ross Edwards.
As for the art - it was mostly landscapes. This was doubly weird: looking at them, you had the experience of standing in a building in a landscape looking at paintings about that same landscape, the only thing being the painting never actually looked like the landscape it was supposed to be about. In those galleries the paintings never looked like the things they were about. In country arts and craft galleries, people painted trees and horses because they wanted their paintings to be about trees and horses. In the country art galleries, if there was ever a picture of a tree or a horse it was probably supposed to represent the disjointed experience of artificial modern living and its disconnect from nature or the repressive effect of the colonialist patriarchy on the Indigenous mythos. Sometimes I don't think the artists were even sure what they wanted their paintings to be about, which did rather lead one to the suspicion that it mightn't have been about anything interesting at all.
That Ross Edwards piece, then, bought it all to mind. For some reason a particular image came to mind of the first floor in a two storey art gallery, with me wandering around looking at the - mostly incomprehensible - abstracts. Where could it have been? Wagga? Griffith? Mildura? Dubbo? And then, I suppose, we all walked out into the heat of the day and drove through hours of yellow grass fields until we got home. That is the Ross Edwards epoch in Australian cultural history, really - that whole courageous attempt by composers to write a music perfectly in tune with these landscapes. It combined didgeridoo and choir in a new agey way, unfolded in a slow, reverential fashion, represented peculiarities of the Australian environment in ways which I had not thought possible.
I have to confess it annoyed me a lot.
And yet, you know what? Earlier last night another Ross Edwards piece had come on: A flight of sunbirds. Two pianos, simple and playable music. It filled the whole room in just the way that music should. Charming and reverential, in all the right ways and places. Not the sort of music you'd get in an art gallery, at all.
I'm not sure what I wanted to say about all this but, just like an abstract artist, I suppose I have anyway. So I'd better end it there.
*I do like a nice doily.
Tuesday, December 24, 2019
The Punctilious Carol
The annual festive observance
Is fast approaching now -
Hang decorative implements
From a dying Abies bough!
But woe betide the pair beneath
Parasitic vegetation -
Our custom of fertility
Demands their salutation!
Take up the proverb now and sing -
Hey ring a ding ding.
The annual festive observance
Is getting very near -
We sing the note arrangements
We sang this time last year.
We mark a birth in Bethlehem,
An Aramaic Jew -
But no-one believes that now or we
Feel awkward if we do.
Therefore take up the words and sing -
Hey ring a ding ding.
The annual festive observance
Is very almost here.
Let yeast infuse your beverage
With ethanolic cheer!
Our mood is positivity,
Or outwardly at least -
So all as one let us join in
The carbohydrate feast.
In polytonal chords now sing
Hey ring a ding ding.
The annual festive observance
Is almost at the station;
We have just passed the maximum
Of solar declination -
Our glands are working overtime,
But half a world away
From what we're told, it's rather cold
Upon this festal day.
And so we sing the thing we sing -
Hey ring a ding ding.
Sunday, December 22, 2019
Monday, November 04, 2019
Well girls, the big day is almost here, the one day of the year when you will go to the Melbourne Cup and get shitfaced and then vomit all over everything while some skank from the Herald Sun photographs you. But have you really prepared for this enough? Are you ready for the moment when you vomit all over everything while some skank for the Herald Sun photographs you? Here are four Etiquette Tips for the Fashion Forward you might like to consider before heading out for the big spray, er, I mean big day tomorrow.
1. Remember to vomit in the rubbish bin, not the recycling.
I mean, really. Let's get the basics out of the way first. This is just basic courtesy.
2. Colour code your vomits.
I can't tell you how many times I've seen a boring, bland array of beige vomit after beige vomit at this famous affair. Is it really so much trouble to colour code your upchucks? I think not. Remember, basic fashion rules still apply: use contrasting colours (but not too much), and sometimes just the right component - a strategically-placed chunk of carrot, for instance - will really draw the whole ensemble together. Try not to match the colour of your vomit to your boyfriend's outfit (he'll probably do that anyway, in that unconscious way men have).
Now really - is there any point in getting ready for the day when you're going to get shitfaced and then vomit all over everything while some skank from the Herald Sun photographs you if the skank from the Herald Sun can't even see you properly amongst all the mud and crap and stuff. With that attitude, you probably shouldn't even bother. No, you have to really select the right patch of lawn or the right tent to offset the delicate yet melodious timbres of your cry of Ruth. And if it's a young Arabian prince striding out of the Emirates tent, all the better!
4. Social messages
You've got to think of the messages you're sending out when you vomit all over someone. Sure, you may not mean to make a boy think you like him when you chunder all over his manly chiselled jaw, but might he? Be careful who you chuck up all over, is all I'm saying. Unless it's a young Arabian prince striding out of the Emirates tent, what could possibly go wrong if you chuck up all over him?
Well, that's it, girls - have fun!
Friday, October 18, 2019
- Unsolicited duck pics!
- Unsolicited chick pics!
(In case you run out of ducks, baby chickens are always good).
- Unsolicited dock pics.
(Who doesn't love a good pier?)
- Unsolicited ticks!
- Unsolicited brick picks!
(Sample unsolicited duck pic. Because, er, you didn't solicit for it.)
So never say I never do anything nice for you. By the way, here's a previous poem I wrote on the subject, you really should pay me for this, oh wait, you can.
Wednesday, October 16, 2019
This week, German class being on tonight, what did I find myself dreaming about last night but Swedish grammar. What is it with my mind and the Far North? I was in fact deeply involved in a dream conversation with the Baron about it all, and even managed to discover a completely new item of grammar: 'unstoppables'. Linguists may quibble and argue that such items do not exist at all, but in my dream we were quite sure about it. Here's how my dream conversation went down:
ME: So, how about after I finish learning German I learn the other Germanic languages Swedish and Norwegian and Icelandic and become an expert in the languages of the far north?
BARON: Swedish is a hard language to translate into English, though.
ME: Oh? Why's that?
BARON: It's because of the unstoppable. The Swedish unstoppable is different to the English unstoppable.
ME: How's that?
BARON: Oh, well, it's - you see.... it just is.
ME: What is an unstoppable, anyway?
BARON: It's kind of hard to define.
ME: Hm. Can you give me an example of an unstoppable.
BARON: I.... um.... well...
And there the conversation stopped (maybe because we'd forgotten to include an English unstoppable). I however remained convinced that a great and hitherto unrevealed point about world grammar lay just beyond my grasp.
As you can imagine, I'm really looking forward to my dream before next German class. Maybe, having previously invented a Finnish teacher and a new item of Swedish and English grammar, next time I'll invent a whole new language. Who knows? By the way, this blog is apparently my dream journal now. Please notify your local Freudian.
*It depends who you ask. Personally, I think, as a democratic modern language Finnish should remodify its case system so there is one case for every new Finnish speaker. That way nobody feels like they're missing out on anything. I shall be forwarding this proposal to Helsinki University shortly.
Monday, October 07, 2019
ad homonym - attacking the person's name.
ad homophone - arguing with a gay telephone.
ad homophony - using music to attempt to bring harmony to our fractured moden world.
ad Eminen - winning arguments rap-battle style.
add M&M - bribing the opposition with chocolate - also, yes please.
Saturday, September 28, 2019
(Those team songs for writing, and a few other footy-related pieces are in my latest book, Hangover Music, by the way. You should totally buy a copy!)
Good times, good times. But all good times must come to an end, and this was no exception. Poetry at the Dan for this week is on a Sunday (weirdly it all feels less sacrilicious than having it on a Grand Final Saturday). It's not quite the same doing it without yelling baffling metaphors at a crowd of indifferent or even hostile footy fans, but life is about change.
In the meantime, living in Melbourne and all, I even adopted a football team, in that way you do. I did it either because they were just about the worst team and not likely to win a final any time soon, or because they had the best song. That team has since had the bad grace to win the grand final twice, one of those occasions being this afternoon. But their song, I am pleased to say, has remained consistently awesome. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was the song.
To conclude, and on an unrelated note, here is a poem, of sorts.
Is Tigger the best of them all?
For Eeyore is down, and Pooh Bear is out
And Christopher Robin is aged and stout -
Is Tigger the tiggerest Tigger of all?
With vigorous, tiggerous call -
There can be no doubt, he's winning the bout,
It's a riot, a rort, an absolute rout -
Yes, Tigger's the tigger that stands proud and tall -
For Tiggers the best Tigger out of them all!
Thursday, September 19, 2019
Just kidding, you're sitting in the audience for a modern production of Walküre and instead of galloping around on the mountain tops out of the clouds, the Valkyries are shifting bodies around in a shabby old pile of rock like so many pieces of furniture in a rental house.
Bring back the horses!
(Post a follow on from a discussion with Steve.)
Thursday, September 05, 2019
I was crocheting individualised bonnets for my bees' feet. This winter has been cold, you know.
Excuse me, my beard got caught in my fixie.
It was an emergency! My tweed jacket clashed with the Weltanschauung.
My craft brew and I were undergoing an individualised counselling session to help us achieve self-actualisation as a couple.
I was bookbinding a recipe book with twine made out of my cats' fur.
So sorry! I had trouble fitting Buttons, my alpaca, in the train on the way here. Did we miss anything?
My kefir had emotional issues.
I got lost in my beard and couldn't find my way out.
We ran out of kale! It was an emergency!
Wednesday, July 03, 2019
Saturday, June 29, 2019
And when you talk about football, people have got to ask, do you mean football, or football?
And when you say football, they say, nar mate, football's not really football, the only true football is football.
Which it may or it may not be, but you end up arguing about which football is really football, or if football and football can be football also.
But at any rate, we all agree, even if football and football and football are not (or are really) the one true football alongside football, which may not really be football at all, you only call football football. You don't call football anything other than football, any more than you'd call football something different to football. Because if you don't call football, football, football and football football, that way madness lies.
And in the end, isn't the football of football the real football of football? After all, football football football football football football football, doesn't it!
*There's also football, but let's not mention that.
Sunday, May 26, 2019
Anyway, now that I've lost your attention, if you're in Melbourne this Sunday, I'll have a poetry feature at The Motley Bauhaus, at their monthly 'P Word Poetry Sessions' - the event starts at 4 pm, I'll be reading later in the day: maybe around 6. Come and say hi!
Sunday, May 19, 2019
Thursday, May 09, 2019
Now to raise your awareness even further, here is a hedgehog.
Wasn't that elevating? So you can see that hedgehogs exist. (Shame on you for disbelieving in the existence of hedgehogs!*)
Here is a list of famous hedgehogs:
- Mrs Tiggy Winkle
- Mr Pricklepants
- Winston Churchill
- Sonic the hedgehog
Consider your awareness of hedgehogs raised, fellow citizens!
*Now Australia, on the other hand, that place definitely doesn't exist. **
**Echidnas do, but Australia, definitely not.
Tuesday, May 07, 2019
To that end, I have composed the following:
Thirty writing prompts for mundane board reports
1. Discuss a potential rebranding strategy.
2. Outline your acquisitions portfolio.
3. Compare your company's sales on a month-by-month basis with those of other companies.
4. Hey, sales have been up in the third quarter!
5. Hey, sales have been down in the third quarter!
6. Hey, sales have stagnated in the third quarter!
7. Raise the prospect of future mergers.
8. Forecast some developments in the international markets.
9. Fill a page full of obscure acronyms that even your accountancy department will struggle to recognise.
10. Make a pie chart of the different sections of the company.
11. Make a bar graph of the same.
12. Paste a picture of the CEO on the page with the caption "our CEO".
13. Describe a development as "in line with expectations".
14. Write a series of sub-headings for the CFO's report!
15. Write a paragraph containing no rhymes whatsoever!
16. Use the acronym EBITDA 10 times in the one page.
17. Discuss difficulties you have had with your suppliers.
18. Use the words "going forward" on the first page of the report.
19. Chart international sales on a month-by-month basis.
20. Do the same on a year-by-year basis.
21. Discuss specific targets for your company.
22. Compare and contrast taxation and company responses to taxation in different countries.
23. Make a list of corporate responsibilities. Put a tick next to each of them!
24. Outline further opportunities for growth.
25. Discuss risks your productions sector will have to deal with.
26. Make a Venn diagram!
27. List five corporate strategies for the coming financial year. Use bullet points.
28. Use a photo of one of your factories, and come up with a banal caption for it!
29. Discuss the reasons for financial losses in the previous quarter.
30. Make up another graph just because, and colour it in. Use lots of grey!
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
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