The Quibs and Bunning Writers Exchange Program #2

The gas bill, written by Shakespeare

Dear citizen - O fair and goodly friend -
Fain were I thy most valued loved offend;
Nay, if fiends of hell, no less, would thee attack -
We'd face them with our swords, and turn 'em back:
Fair friend, my bosom brother, dearest coz -
For thee I'd sell my kingdom and my horse.
So 'tis with grief I must inform thee now,
I am (being bound by antient sacred vow
To represent the _____ Corporation,
A name you hold in highest veneration),
I am, I do repeat, made to ask you
For the sum of ... (let me see now) ... $692.

Willliam Shakespeare, representative of the ______ Corp, gas and electricity.

PS:
Of course, dear coz, if payments get behind
I must inform you that you will be fined.

Master Basho's haiku, as written by the author of overdue gas notices

Lotus at evening:
The petals fall slowly. Your
Bill is overdue.

I sigh... sorrowfully.
Failure to pay could result in
Fiscal penalties.

I observe the lark
Singing daily: Alas! If
Only you would pay.

We will be sending
Officers soon to discuss
Your legal options.

Pay up, buster. Or
We will have to prosecute
On this sad evening.