A Poem By Edgar A. Leer

You've all heard of Edward Lear, right? The man who wrote The Owl and the Pussycat, The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo, and The Dong With the Luminous Nose? No?
Then how about his cousin, Edgar A. Leer, and his poetical masterpiece The Nose With the Luminous Dong?

In a land long ago, in a time far away
Lived a man twice as high as a year and a day
And this fellow, he kept a miraculous pet
That was fabled in stories and song -
No, nothing more marvellous has been seen yet-
Than the Nose With the Luminous Dong, Dong, Dong,
Than the Nose With the Luminous Dong.

And the fame grew and grew of this curious Beast,
'Till it was twice as big as the Beatles - at least -
And talk of it spread all over the place -
Through kingdoms - and cities - and towns -
Yes, ladies in tearooms would talk of this case,
And it turned half the world upside down, down, down,
Yes it turned half the world upside down.

Folks would travel the world to see this strange creature
With its rather peculiar Proboscal feature
They'd travel by shoe, by sandal or thong,
By ocelot, zebu, or car
To hear the Nose sing - 'Trillabong! Trillabing!
What a beautiful pussy you are, are, are,
What a beautiful pussy you are!!!'

And sculptors would cast this Nose-with-a-dong
In marble (or fibreglass - made in Hong Kong!)
And artists would paint it - in oil and ink-
And many a bad poet would make a bad rhyme
There was even a film made about it (I think)
To preserve this Nose-Dong for all time, time, time,
To preserve this Nose-Dong for all time.

In a land long ago, in a time far away
Lived a man twice as high as a year and a day
And this fellow, he kept a miraculous pet
That was fabled in stories and song -
No, nothing more marvellous has been seen yet-
Than the Nose With the Luminous Dong, Dong, Dong,
Than the Nose With the Luminous Dong.

Don't like it? Hey, YOU try writing poetry on the bus to work and see what you come up with!