Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Gritty realism

Sometimes when I am walking down the street and picking my nose and a police car drives past, I feel as though they're going to finally throw me in the slammer and lock me up for good.

I also get worried if the same thing happens and I'm

- Scratching my bum
- Picking my teeth
- Wearing a shirt that isn't tucked in
- Chewing my fingernails
- Cleaning out my ear.

And yet, if a police officer did the same thing and got taken to the courts, all that would result would be a long-drawn out court case followed by a slap over the wrist, and/or a meaningless political inquiry into the inner workings of the Victorian police force.

We live in a fallen world.


Maria said...

It's good to know the VIC police are getting all those bum scratchers and earwax pickers and not wasting their time on arsonists, rapists, paedophiles and robbers. We need some real crackdowns in the community, and it's best it should start at the bottom - no pun on the bum intended.

TimT, remember, if you were innocent you'd have nothing to fear. Keep your hands away from your bum, out of the pants pocket, away from your nose, away from the itchy chin, away from the ear, away from the mouth and nowhere near anyone else, and you can live in true peace and harmony of mind, body and spirit. There now, boy! Whatcha worried about?

TimT said...

The law is an ass. Why don't these keepers of the peace focus on the real criminals, like people who wear their hat indoors, or give their poodles perm haircuts, instead of peaceful, law-abiding nose-picking-bottom-scratchers?

Once again, it's one rule for the police and another for the rest of us!

Maria said...

It's them peeps who step on cracks in the footpaths that ought to be strung up and quartered. All those grandmothers with broken backs are cursing them.

Anonymous said...

Your problem, my friend, is that you're just not thinking laterally enough. One can be far more subversive when one toes their line and observes scrupulous moral and personal hygiene at all times. I don't imagine there's any caveat on using listerine in a public place.

TimT said...

So what are you saying? I should become a listerine junky?

The mere suggestion raises profound moral and existential questions!

TimT said...

All those grandmothers with broken backs are cursing them.

Interestingly, when you say 'I don't believe in fairies', a fairy dies. Even more interestingly, when you say 'when you say 'I don't believe in fairies'', a whole village of fairies die, and a high-up official in the fairy community, reporting to the district commissioner for fairy justice begins an inquiry to be handed in to the relevant fairy king or queen. That is, if they haven't already become part of the incipient fairy catastrophe.

Why don't the police pursue these criminals, instead of innocent nose pickers?

TimT said...

Says he, like a broken record looking for its mother...

Anonymous said...

Listerine is your friend. Don't fight it. It will put a ring on your finger or even find you a more temporary pairing. It's got the charm to pay the bills. There's truly nothing* it can't do!

*Scroll down to the second paragraph under "History".

(I have a toothache and this is the sort of thing I look at to cheer myself up. Don't judge me!).

TimT said...

Time to update that Nicky Buckley song:

I've been missin'
Your Listerine kisses...

Anonymous said...

Nicky Buckley had a song?

Damn! Something else to look up on youtube as part of my procrastinations!

Anonymous said...

Oh, you mean the kid, not the game-show host. It's Nikki Webster, isn't it? I was getting very excited about the possibility of a video clip with Dexter, the robot from Perfect Match, in it. How deflating!

TimT said...


I'd pay to hear a song by Dexter the Friendly Robot, though.

Anonymous said...

If it had been on the ABC, there would have been a book,a board game and singing Dexter dolls.

(I'm jaundiced because someone gave me the Margaret & David board game and I always lose on account of my scant knowledge of action films).

Anonymous said...

Youtube reminds me that Nikki Webster has a sinister kind of Dexter in that clip. Perhaps your subsconscious made these connections and that's what prompted you to say Nicky Buckley? How fascinating the mind is in its machinations!

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