Sunday, December 18, 2005

Gift Ideas for the Obsessive Psychopath In Your Life

So: you married an axe-murderer. You didn't know it at the time, but your husband/wife to be was in fact insane, sadistic serial-killer who should be locked up and put in jail for good. But you've learnt not to be judgemental. Sure, they might be evil, demented beings; but basically, they're nice people.

But there are always problems. Like, what are you going to buy them for Christmas? Here are some gift ideas...

Diary/Personal Planner

Your significant-other-twisted-psychopathic-half spends a lot of time stalking his or her victims and obsessing over the modus operandi. What better gift could you get for than a diary? Plus, these days, diaries come in many attractive colours, with inspirational slogans to help them get through the day!

Industrial-sized Fridge

It's not that you mind finding unusual human body parts in your fridge, so much - it's just that there's so little room left over to put in Christmas pudding, and other treats.

So, for Christmas, you couldn't go wrong by buying the psychopath in your life an industrial-sized fridge!

Meat Cleavers

As the old saying goes, 'The family that slays together, stays together.' So you could do far, far worse than buying a set of pre-sharpened meat cleavers, and joining your husband/wife in their naughty nightime antics. It could be just the thing for putting that zing back in your marriage!

Mushroom Kit

There are times when even you grow worried by their obsessions. Maybe all the psychopath-in-the family needs, really, is another hobby. Why don't you get them a mushroom kit, and let them pour all their obsessive-compulsive habits into a complicated, yet rewarding, task, like growing mushrooms?

I mean, sure, they'll always be evil, but at least let them be evil in a productive way.


Shelley said...

Awesome, I want a magic mushroom kit for Xmas - I know one or two people who think I'm a complete psychopath too. Nice to finally get something I want!

TimT said...

I know one or two people who think I'm a complete psychopath too.

So were they wrong?

Shelley said...

Were? Why the past tense?

I prefer not to judge my own level of in/sanity - would send me round the twist, that would.

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Christmas Gifts said...

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