Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Creative uses of modern environmental concepts!

Presenting: The Amazing Cholesterol Offset Scheme!

Let's face it, in this modernised word, overconsumption is a big problem - so why not pay us to offset your personal overconsumption of resources onto others?

Here's how our Amazing Cholesterol Offset Scheme works:

1) You eat a nice, juicy, cholesterol-filled chocolate bar:

Fig 1: Chocolate bar

2) Make a note of this in your cholesterol offset form.

3) We offset your overconsumption of the world's cholesterol resources to this kid, and just feed him plenty of cabbage soup instead.

Fig 2: Some kid who's not allowed to eat chocolate.

4) Sit back and watch in satisfaction as the cholesterol consumption figures of other people the world over go down!

Together, we can make a real difference to the cholesterol consumption figures of other people while stuffing our fat faces full of chocolate! Sign up now!


The Topiary Cow said...

Finally! The solution Topiary has been seeking!

(quickly stuffing face with chocolate and ignoring the squalling noise of the cabbage-soup eater)



Anonymous said...

I heard that celery had minus calories.

Well that's what someone at the last work party told me.

I hastily covered it with lots of creamy dip to even out the calorie counter.

TimT said...

Excellent solution Maria. If you like though I can write that off as another cholesterol offset. The kid will be overjoyed to find out - cabbage soup for breakfast!

Ampersand Duck said...

Oh noes! I've been eating chocolate steadily for the last two weeks! No wonder next door smells like cabbage!

Anonymous said...

My God Timmy T, I am not kidding when I say you are a comedic genius. This post is pure and utter brilliance.

TimT said...

Shucks. Just an offhand idea I had....

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